_It's Snowing in My Dreams_

scarred~

2012-02-01T21:02:00.000+08:00

hi to myself! ahaha.. =D let me get straight to the point the reason i blog today.. i asked for someone's forgiveness a few weeks back.. that someone i've mentioned many enough to remember her as someone who has hurt my feelings.. someone who did it deliberately or not, someone who socializes and is able to talk to guys bravely until sometimes people think that she flirts.. she said she has started a new life and i just remind her of her past in college which she does not want to remember.. however, this honesty leads to something bad. her younger sister replied my msg for her in facebook. the way she talked was very very harsh..

honestly, i kept too many unpleasant deeds of hers to myself and told it to my friends.. the things she did wrong and the things she did that made me suffer.. i told her stories to my friends.. my friends whom i could trust.. that i can ensure everyone that they would not tell a single soul. and because of this mistake i made, i wanted to apologise by being honest.. and what did i get in return? her younger sister scolded me in a very harsh way that hurt my feelings again.. maybe it's just my retribution.. i feel like posting what she said.. but never mind.. just let it be one of my painful memories..

this is what i get for apologising.. for being honest.. i don't blame her.. this is my retribution.. because i'm a bad girl.. what she said is true right.. =') never mind.. it's ok..

the moral is, don't be afraid of being honest.. don't be afraid of doing something good.. even if this is what i get, even if they call me a hypocrite.. it's going to be ok.. because i started it with something good.. i'll just pray that Allah will open their heart to accept this.. it's ok if human can't see.. because Allah knows thetruth right.. =)

actually, i quoted what she said.. but i deleted it.. haha.. it's enough like this.. i'm going to end today's story ok? daa,everyone.. =)

new sports shoes!!

2012-01-29T17:06:00.000+08:00

yesterday, despite having a bad runny nose and terrible cough, i went out with my close friend, muneer.. she was my classmate at KUIS.. ahaha.. the doctor prescribed me strong medicine for my runny nose and cough so i am always drowsy.. but despite all that, i managed to buy new sports shoes for myself and a pair of socks with yong hwa oppa's cartoon on it!! i bought it specially to wear with my sports shoes you know.. now why did i buy a new pair??

as you know, i'm quite a chubby girl.. ahaha.. i want to lose weight and give myself a year to work this out..! i wonder if i'll be able to make it.. it's hard to exercise to lose weight.. i'll have trouble breathing if i work too hard.. but i want to keep fit! and at least, i want to feel that i have the right to stand besides abang who is thin you know.. don't follow this bad intention of mine.. ahahaha..

and so.. since kinah is already at IIUM, i have an intention to jog every evening with her and pip.. don't know if this will work as sometimes laziness comes across us.. jog or go to the gym or swim! oh! speaking of swimming.. do you know? of course you don't, do you? XD my new swimming costume which i bought with my last pay, was stolen! sobssobs.. >.<, i wore it only once, and yet someone stole it.. but surprisingly, the pants and the scarf cap weren't stolen.. however, it's a relief that that thief didn't steal both cloths.. or i'll be very devastated! ='( and the good thing is, pip's mom let me have hers! i'll take care of it properly.. insyaAllah....

and pls. don't even think of stealing someone else's if you don't have the things needed to get what you want.. work hard for it in a halal way.. not by stealing.. you never know if that thing is something so precious to the owner.. you never know if she or he worked really hard to get it but that thing ends up getting stolen.. so don't ever let stealing comes across your mind.. it's gives troubles to the owner.. pls..

oh! below is the picture of my new sports shoes and the socks!

nice right?? =D well.. for me it's nice.. ahaha... i want to buy a pair which is in blue and white.. it is soooooo beautiful but the price is also much more beautiful that i couldn't afford it.. ahahaha.. however, i like this one and i hope i'll manage to wear it for a long time.. and isn't that socks cute?? i like it so.. ahaha.. chuwahae.. >.^

i think that's it for now.. not feeling too good.. so i need plenty of rest.. may everyone has a good day today.. (^_^)

oh btw.. if you click to one of the list but nothing comes out, don't worry.. i think this skin doesn't match my blog.. so i'm going to replace it soon ok? =) wasalam,everyone.. (^_^)

after 2 years~

2012-01-24T16:19:00.001+08:00

after 2 years of time, i finally activate my blog again..=) anneyong haseyo,everyone.. may Allah give you peace.. =) so what actually happened in these 2 years which have passed so quickly? i graduated from KUIS and now i am taking Bachelor of Islamic Revealed Knowledge, majoring in Comparative Religion.. =)

things were so tough at KUIS.. i don't even want to remember it.. but those memories just keep coming.. because of this, i argue a lot with abang.. well those painful incidents change my whole life.. my attitude, my personality, my thinking, my life! everything! whether it's in a good way or not, i have yet to decide.. muneer has already entered UM.. Kina and Aju in UNISZA.. we are all separated from each other.. but it's ok.. we still get to meet each other once in a while.. they are the spring season of my life, i must say.. i miss them so much.. ='(

so i worked at Muhammadiyah Kindergarten for nearly 6 months, then i decided to further my studies at IIUM as it is my father's dream.. seriously, i felt no passion after entering IIUM.. everything is just equally hard.. me and abang.. me and how i manage my life.. the sins. huff.. i just don't know what to say anymore..

and so i apologised to that particular girl who played a big part in my life, for blaming her, for gossiping about her behind her back.. and i found out the most astounding secret of all..she was once liked by... you-know-who. ahahaha.. pissed off so much that i threw tantrums, i chose a particular date just to cry.. i really can't cry easily nowadays.. haisy.. but i'm trying real hard to forget everything.. i hope i really can.. amiin..

i'm tired.. i think i'm gonna have a rest.. pls pray for me and abang ok? that we'll be able to move on to the next big step of our life to seek Allah's blessings.. amiin..

so that's that then! =D may Allah make our life easy in this world and hereafter.. amiin.

p/s:guys... pls take care of ur heart and urself, before u ask ur girls to take care of u ok? and make sure u take really gd care of ur girls too! all the best! =)

p/s:for guys,

anneyong~

2012-01-22T15:17:00.003+08:00

Anneyong haseyo~ ^_^ good day,everyone.. may Allah bless you always..

actually, i've left this blog of mine for a very long time already.. ahaha.. suddenly i was reminded of it a few minutes before and i'm thinking of activating it again.. how about that eh? ^_^

i don't mind if there's no one reading my blog.. it's mine after all... ^_^

i think this is it for the time being,.. there's lot of stories to tell especially after i left it from the year 2010..

i need to cook now.. dada,everyone.. pray for my success alright? ^_^

just things~

2010-05-21T11:04:00.003+08:00

So? what do u think? haha... kne buat thesis a.k.a. latihan ilmiah bab 1... penyelia ustazah Nor Sa'adah.. mmg best la ngn ustzh... insyaAllah blh siap cpt... Amiin... actually da kne anta this week tp mcm busy gitu... busykn ape tah syirul pn tak tau... hehe... so ustzh kate tkpe... tp ustzh nk tgk isnin dpn... just scare kasar... rsenye klau ade pape, nnt ustzh btl2kn kot.. yela.. klau tk mcm mne nk buat nxt step kn... klau la blh... nk uat bab 2 this sem jgk... jd klau tk smpat hbs thesis this sem, blh la tnggl uat bab 3 ngn bab4 je nxt sem... hee..

kul 12.30 nie nk daftar muet... da ajk kwn2 klas jgk tp dorng nk daftar nxt week... tk tau cne... syirul daftar la ngn kwn2 lain ary nie... ade la complication actually... tp syirul daftar ary nie je la... nxt 2 weeks insyaAllah syirul akn balik spore sbb nk pindah... hehe... tu pn klau tkde pape... hee... klau ade hal, nmpknye balik cuti raye je la jwbnye... aduisy... cian mk ngn bpk nnt klau syirul tk balik kn... kn... kn...

actually ary nie syirul rse happy sgt3 so syirul end up jd mcm hyper skt... hihi.. tp td ade something jd yg buat syirul mcm down la jgk... tp nk uat cne... fhm je la... tkde pape pn... prkr biase je... bkn serious mne la... tp blh la jgk buat syirul grm skt... hee... so skrg tgh tnggu mse utk register muet dan sterusnye gi library utk uat thesis!! yay! mntk2 la by bsk blh la siap... blh gak rht ary ahad kn... amiin... smoge Allah prmudahkn prjlnn Syirul yg nie... amiin...

tau tak???? ustaz mu'ti yg ajr kte quran sem nie,tk ajr kte lg!!! uwaa!!! sedih!! T_T tk tau spe yg ganti... tp pape pn, Syirul nk cube yg trbaik sem nie... tak mau mls2 lg.. tak mau dtg klas lmbt lg... dan tak mau transfer credit lg... sbb yg grade A blh jd grade C!! sedihnye.......... ats useheku, dpt la jgk mrkah yg memuaskn utk subject English yg Syirul amek slame 2 sem... skali tu bile transfer credit, dpt C...... >_<, sedihnye.... affect CGPA sey... tp tkpe la... utk budak"2nd sem" mcm syirul ni... kire CGPA yg Syirul dpt ni blh la utk Syirul... Alhamdulillah... and markah mantiq & falsafah da msuk!! yay!! thnk u ustzh saleha & ustaz abu.... ^_^ register course pn kire da ok da... cume usrah tk msuk2 lg... klau tk pass nnt ade mslh grad!! tak mau tak mau!! ade ke ustaz safuan nk syirul jd co-ordinator utk usrah international?? no no! syirul sbgai ktue adlh suatu gambaran yg syirul tk mau nk bygkn... ckup la syrul prnh tgk ktue prmpn yg handle international... trcabut jantungku nnt... *tepuk dahi* mntk maaf,ustaz... sye ksian la jgk... tp ustaz lantik la lelaki.. bkn sye... sye pn da ckup sibuk nie... biar la sye jd biase2 je... yg pntng ustaz msukkn usrah sye dlm portal dan sye akn usehe utk lulus k... thnk u ustaz... but no,thnks... hee..

ok2... smlm syirul mkn la ngn abu... skali tu bukak la crte lme2... haha.. lme mne je... lme yg cume slme 2 thun lps ngn hmpir stahun yg lps... crte manis & pahit... tp abu kate... "sume tu da brlalu... igt prkr tu cume akn menyakitkn je... jd kte mule hidup bru..." btl jgk... tp ade jgk mase lalu syirul yg mnghantui syirul dan syirul tkt sgt3 dgn mse lalu tu.. syirul ade la bilng abu tp rsenye die fhm kot... haha... slmbe badak ak post cam nie... mntang2 la abu mmg tk bce.. haha... tp... insyaAllah die mean ape yg die ckp... insyaAllah... amiin.. Syirul sbnrnye cume prcy ape yg Syirul nmpk... mcm tu yg Syirul nmpk, mcm tu jgk la yg syirul prcy... so, klau nk syirul prcy, jgn ckp je... tp buat jgk... sbb prbuatan tu lbh meyakinkn dr kate2... fhm kn..

hmm.. tak tau lg ape nk ckp... tp Alhamdulillah sjauh nie... sem nie, smangat Syirul mmg brkobar2 nk blljr btl2... agknye mmg da tibe msenye syirul tk blh lg main2... dan syirul pn tknk kcewe ngn dri syirul sndri... hmm.. sem nie plk, actually syirul trtekan scre prasaan...LAGI. hehe... bkn pape pn.. tp sbb rmai org pndng serong kt syirul kot... yg nmpk abu msti fkr: romantiknye laki ni... bgsnye klau dpt suami mcm nie... cube yg prmpn nmpk syirul... pehh! kan main lg dijelingnye... mcm nk trcabut biji mate... haha... tkpe2... igt org nk ke?? bile nk kawin, kate da gatal. bile tak kawin pn dikatenye kte gatal.. hbs nk mcm mne lg? Astaghfirullah... pnt la dgr ngn tgk gaye ngn ckp2 korng tu.. pnt la... tp mntk maaf sgt3 la sbb Syirul ni jd mslh dan satu hal utk difkrkn oleh korng... sorry sgt3 k...

k tu je utk skrg nie... hehe... lps rndu nk post blog... paham2 je la wireless kuis nie... susah skt... hehe... k2... daa... wslm...

~double misery~

2010-05-01T06:42:00.003+08:00

yesterday... Alhamdulillah... i managed to see my result but it was a disappointment after all.. the pointer i looked at earlier turned out to be my CGPA which they processed from my results of first semester to the 4th semester and the half... what i mean by the half is... there are 2 subjects of my previous semester which have not been put in, in my portal.. so i still do not know what my result is.. now... the fear has come again... the fear of failing the 2 subjects as they were the most difficult ones... oh my... what am i to do except for feeling tawakkal as i know that i've already did my best for those papers...

looking at this matter, i was kind of devastated and felt really down as i AM very worried... so i decided to tell him that i've decided to quit from being active in Lajnah in order to stabilize my studies... okay fine... my way of telling him was kind of forcing. but he gave me an example: if i was talking to another person and not him.. that particular person will definitely say... "u must be professional... others can manage their time between studies and other works... so you can do that too..." and he said,that that will be said by other person,not him. well mister... that piece of "advice" will be said by someone like YOU! not someone like ME! do you understand? haisy... i'm so scared now.. yes i know you are the leader but HELLO! do i not have the right to ask for my rights?? okay well... i'll just do as you say... so just pray that my result will turn out better than i expect so that i will stay in Lajnah okay??

this is a double misery to me... i was expecting him to say in the right way... no that i expected him to say what i want to hear but EXSQUEEZE ME.... can you please be more err... generous? is that the word? WHAT EVER! yes he did say that work and personal life is different... at work... he is not abg but my leader... yes i know! and i know that i have to respect you! this is the very first time that i ask to set myself free in order to save my studies!! how can u not understand that?? OMG! Astaghfirullah...

however, i was very tired of this kind of fights as he will never understand... so i just agree to what he said and will just pray that may my results will turn out good... Amiin... you know,dear... this is why i never want to talk to you about my frustrations... because you will get angry and will disagree with me... you ask me to be more mature in thinking right? but i never mention that you too need to be more mature in what you do... because... i need someone who can protect me from sadness... who will listen to me instead of telling me what to do... but somehow i think this is kind of impossible and i'm demanding too much from you so i'm sorry...

actually... i wrote this post because i am very sure that he will not read this.. haha... he never read my blog... but he always pay attention to someone else's lives... maybe he think that he has enough knowledge about moi... *tepuk dahi* pls,abg... don't make me think twice... because you know... i really HATE you. and the reality is you know what is in my heart too so i'm begging don't make me angry and finally do something which is out of my control. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

~going back~

2010-04-29T22:10:00.005+08:00

hee... okay... now what do i have to tell... hmm... too many things have happened which are beyond my expectations & my imagination. and the 2 months holiday is ending... haisy... -_-" haha... actually i'm not that sad and i think i'm prepared to crack my brains again... hehe... i'm kind of excited to go back to KUIS to meet my friends... my cute lecturers *breath-taking* hehe... and... him. but the most important thing is... i'm excited to start my new life... in a new environment with new effort... hmm... this is somehow a struggle which i need to do to survive... there are many fights to involve in... haizz...

okay... there is a sad news... my favourite singer, Muhammad Abdillah Murad just passed away... he left us way before i posted my previous post. i did not want to cry but i cried when i informed my siblings about his death... it was very startling... i hadn't heard about his news for a very long time and suddenly i received this piece of news... may Allah bless his soul and may he rest in peace... amiin...

there are many incidents which occurred that i think i don't want to reveal here but i just want to say that it was kind of creepy... hee... but let's put that behind us... okay okay... the most exciting news is...well at least it is exciting for me.. hee... is that mom bought me a new phone!! Alhamdulillah... a touchy2 handphone... hehe... the model is LG Joy (GM 730).. i was thinking of buying Samsung Jet.. but let's just say it is not in the list of my rezki... hee... however, i love LG Joy... and i'll take care of it... hehe... ^_^ well the next thing is not that important but i do want to share the picture of my new handphone... hihi... see it for urself aite...

hee... not that clear isn't it?

but it's become my lover from the time i met it... hee...

i love u,LG Joy becos u really give my joy... ^_^

okay i think that's all for now... just suplicate for me that everything is going to be alright for me aite? ^_^

~kemas~

2010-04-23T14:39:00.003+08:00

this is very tiring... kemas2 uma mmg tiring... bile la nk hbs... hbs la cpt2... amiin... hehe...

received a news which made me kind of startled... not too startled... but tried to think positive... hee... haisy... i don't know what to say... there are too many things to think... too many things to settle... even if u make any troubles, leave me alone then and never turn to me again cause i will never ever face u anymore...

me: klau 1 ary nnt kte sme2,sye sujud syukur waktu awk lafazkn akad nikah tu...

klau ade pape jd kt kte, dan mse tu sye da ade zuriat,

sye tknk ngn spe2 lg... sye nk bsrkn ank sye sndri...

him: mcm mne klau sye nk tgk ank sye?

me: sye tk larang pn... awk blh tgk tp sye tkkn anta die prgi kt awk..

sye akn mntk org lain anta die kt awk... sbb sye tknk tgk muke awk lg...

him: mcm mne plk klau sye smbunyi2 nk jmpe awk?

me: klau sye nmpk awk pn, sye buat2 tk knl...

pd sye, tkde pluang kdue lg utk org yg mmblkngkn sye...

him: klau da ade jodoh utk smbung?

me: tu lain crte... tp klau jd pn, susah sgt nk smbung balik...

so.... the conclusion is, spe2 yg da lukekn syirul, tkde pluang kdue utk die... jgn gnggu hidup Syirul lg... klau ade pluang kdue pn, klau snggup nk thn dan yakinkn syirul lg brtahun2 lmenye, trskn la.... syirul mmg nmpk senang prcykn org... tp sbnrnye susah sgt3 utk syirul prcy kt org... syirul nmpk senang nk yakin ngn org... tp sbnrnye susah sgt3 utk syirul yakin ngn org... lg2 utk org2 yg dah lukekn syirul... jgn sesekali muncul dpn syirul.. sbb syirul benci. lg 1... syirul nie mudah je fobia... skali bnde tu trjd,syirul akn fkr byk negative dr positivenye... so... hati2 la k...

~season's going to change~

2010-04-22T18:55:00.004+08:00

alrite... the season's going to change and the new chapter of life is going to begin... what's in store for us? no one really knows... >_^

okay... 3 mei nnt Syirul akn balik ke kampus life dgn Sakinah & insyaAllah Syadee will follow us too... tp tkpe tau klau tk jd,Dee... ^_^ it's ok... blm balik sne, Syirul da ade mcm2 meeting & dating... huhu... memain jew... hikhik...

but i heard that someone is indeed coming to SINGAPORE!! yay!! another one to welcome after my friends from Malaysia came here... ^_^ welcome,future brother-in-law... welcome... ^_^ hehe.. nk survey2 dlu ye jd da confirm nnt blh dtg msuk trs... ehm2.. memain jew... pd kak Ayu & abg Aizham yg ade bce post nie... jgn mrh... sbb Syirul excited sbnrnye... hehehe... nie ade something utk future brother-in-law yg nk dtg... ehm2...

W-E-L-C-O-M-E WELCOME!!

WELCOME!! WELCOME!!

ABG AIZHAM!! WELCOME!!

*cheer dgn pom pom*

hihi... dpt read tune die tk? klau dpt... gd2... klau tk dpt... nnt Syirul cheerkn mse abg aizham dtg kt uma... hee... ^_^v tp klau tk jd... tkpe gak... tp Syirul doakn sumenye brjln ngn lancar k.. amiin...

ok2... actually... ade seseorg post kt fb Syirul yg tk sume Syirul blh luahkn kt Fb... kate2nye tu mmg buat Syirul fkr 2 kali... Syirul sesungguhnye mmg da byk kali luahkn rse tk puas hati kt "seseorg" tu tp tk tau la die fhm ke tak... tp Syirul post something psl die sbb mse tu mmg Syirul tk puas aty sgt3 kt die... so I'm really sorry... sbnrnye... mcm nie la Syirul.. sbb da blh type, Syirul jarang tulis... dan kdg2 syirul lupe, ape yg Syirul type tu sume org blh bce.. jd, Syirul mntk maaf sgt3... insyaAllah lain kali, Syirul lbh brkias jd, org yg Syirul tujukn tu je blh fhm... k? klau tk pn, rajin2 la bce blog Syirul... sbb ape yg Syirul tk ltk kt Fb, Syirul ltk kt blog.. hee... dan blog Syirul, tk rmai org bce... jd, blh la spe2 tu lege skt... ^_^v Syirul mntk maaf sgt3 k...

ok3... lg2... ha! Syirul ade lg tk plus2 this week, ade exactly 1 more week kt Spore bfore Syirul balik Msia... hee... tp... sbb mk pn da kemas2, dgn penuh rse tk sbrnye... Syirul pn kemas2 la bju2 Syirul gak... muat k 1 luggage... spe kate tk muat?? spe?? spe?? hehe... ade 1 bag full of Lajnahnye brg2... 1 bag full ngn kasut & brg dapur... 1 lg backpack... ngn slingbag... biase ah tu kn.. cheh cheh... hehe... nk tgk??

see? see? tk byk kn...? hee..

actually... syirul ade lg baldi kat uma kwn Syirul kt Msia ngn 1 kotak pooh kt Msia gak.. tp tk kire la kn.. sbb yg pntng, Syirul dpt kurngkn bju2 Syirul!! yay for me!! ^_^

k2... tu je k... nnt ade pape lg, Syirul update aite? klau kt KUIS nnt, nk update da susah skt... hee... k2... wslm... may Allah be with u always...

~confidence~

2010-04-16T19:50:00.006+08:00

i was losing my confidence in him when i questioned about his preparation to a change of his status-single to married, and he did not give me an answer although all these are his plans...

as the age of 25 above is suitable for guys to get married, his is only 20 this year and yet.. he wants to get into the new life... he was surely very serious when he told me about it.. it gave me goosebumps because he really did sound so sure.. and so i began to question him.. for a guy, freedom is always their priority... it's rare for us to bump into guys who want to commit themselves into a relationship.. after the questioning, he seemed to be thinking twice.. what a disappointment..

suddenly this morning, he was in this very bright aura which made me saw the confidence in him when he told me that he IS ready... and the sentence he used was very like... in the novel see? i wasn't too sure but he seemed like he did not mind whether i'm confident in him or not... he still wants to go on with what he planned... i AM very happy but yes.. i'm very nervous too... it's just the matter of time now.. dap dup dap dup... -_-"

i really hope that this is it... this is going to be the last one for eternity... amiin... pls oh Allah... pls... let this happen and let it stays forever until hereafter... amiin...

ok... let's say this is hubby & honey ok..(husband & wife i mean)

may we be blessed and we can be together forever... amiin...

thank u for all this time,abg...

~sweet suffering~

2010-04-14T12:50:00.003+08:00

i just can't tell whether it was a nightmare or a dream...

it was scary yet so sweet...

it was terrible yet so nice...

smlm mlm, dr mule Syirul tutup mate smpai Syirul bukak mate waktu subuh & tutup mate lg, cume die yg Syirul mimpi... tk tau la knp... dan mimpi tu bg effect smpai Syirul da bangun...

maybe...there are too many things i'm thinking... haii...

Syirul sbr sgt3 bile Syirul dpn "seseorg tu"... Syirul igt lg waktu tu sume ade dlm klas dan yg laki tnggl dlm klas cume Abu.. Syirul smpai tekap due2 tngn Syirul mntk sgt3 Abu tlg jgn kluar dr klas bile die kate die nk kluar & jmpe kwn2 laki yg lain...die sruh Syirul prgi join kwn2 prmpn yg lain tgh brbual.. tp Syirul mntk sgt3 waktu tu bg Syirul ikut die prgi mne yg die nk prgi... sbb Syirul tk blh lg brdpn dgn "seseorg tu"... Syirul tk kuat... sbb Syirul tkkn ckp ngn "seseorg tu" mcm Syirul slalu buat.. tk blh lg ktw btl2 pn sbb sakit sgt3 ngn prbuatan "seseorg tu"... Syirul igt lg waktu tu.. for the first time, abu nmpk mcm fhm sgt knp syirul buat mcm tu... die tk mrh tp die ikutkn ape yg syirul mksudkn... die bwk syirul kluar.. die kate syirul kne msuk jgk nnt... die kate die ade... jgn rsau... dan sbb tu, syirul msuk jgk sbb syirul jd tknk tngguh2 utk mnghadap "seseorg tu"... trm ksh,abg...

syirul tk tau "seseorg tu" sdr atau tk ape yg die tgh buat... syirul tk tau "seseorg tu" sngaje atau tk.. klau tk sngaje,syirul mntk maaf sbb buat "seseorg tu" mcm nie... tp ape yg "seseorg tu" tgh buat nie, mmg menyakitkn sgt3... rse mcm kne tikam blkng... smpai hati...

syirul da dgr perncngn die.. pd syirul, die mmg tkkn bilng syirul rncngn die klau die tk fkr masak2... sbb die bkn jenis yg suke trburu2... syirul suke sgt dgn perncngn die... cume waktu je yg blm tibe utk sumenye trjd... dan bile waktu msh lg tk izinkn, sumenye menakutkn utk syirul... dan even klau waktu dah smpai, syirul msh gemuruh... syirul tkt trlalu awl utk die sdgkn mmg da sesuai utk syirul... syirul tkt mcm2 mslh nnt timbul akn dtg... we have yet to discuss this properly... hmm...

but staying far away from each other is not an option & is not one of our plan... syirul igt... syirul tkkn nangis lg... tp mcm2 prasaan buat syirul nangis lg & lg & lg... i just can wait & see... may Allah give us oppurtunity & give us what we plan as we really need it... i'm really tired now... and i don't want to be tired of these things in the future...

thank u for all u have given me,abg... thank u...

~change~

2010-04-12T14:13:00.004+08:00

everything is changing... i can sense it & i can feel it... i can even see it... how? i don't know because the environment is not the same and even the wind is changing its direction...

i received a msg from my dear old friend, Nur Nadiah bte mohd Hasim... haha... surprisingly, i can still remember her full name.. ok.. she is going to UIA to further her studies... i forgot to ask what is the course she's taking... oh my... hee.. least did i expect that i will be one of her friends to receive that piece of meaningful message... it brought tears to my eyes... seriously... she reminded me of how close we used to be when we were in school... we always "celebrated" our birthday together as her birthday is a day before mine... i just miss the times we were in school and now i do realise that i really loved going to school at that time.. just the same as i love to go to classes in my college now.. but we can't return to that time can we? it is already in the past.. and the future holds something that no one knows what it is.. nur nadiah... good luck.. do u still remember how people start calling u Noned? it was in secondary 1... ^_^ secondary 1... haha... so long ago... hmm...

-i miss spacing out of the window when the teachers are teaching in front...

-i miss dozing off when i couldn't understand the subject which was being taught...

-i miss to sit quietly at my place doing my own things during recess time...

-i miss looking at the primary students playing at the parking which we considered as our field...

-i miss visiting my friends in other class...

-i miss praying together at the hall...

-i miss copying homework before the class started...

-i miss everyone and everything in school...

now, everything is not the same as before... the experience is very priceless...

the hurt is worse... the happiness is decreasing... because we can never laugh like those days.. and the reason we laugh is not the same... the tears have become more eager to meet the world than the smile which is now has hide behind the mask.. bitter is more than sweet... the path is more challenging... hmm... and i really hope i can stand still at the path i once can be happy without any worries... but time flies...

i really am blessed... there are so many people who love me... and i really love them too.. i can see the world clearly now.. but i want to close my eyes and deny the things that are hurtful to me.. i want to believe that all the things that are painful are lies... but i just can't...

but thank you, Allah... for sending him to me... for giving me the feel to love and be loved... it is a wonder... thank u,Allah... and please oh please... let me feel the happiness You once gave me... because i really need it... amiin...

how can i forget

2010-04-08T16:31:00.004+08:00

everytime i think... i get a headache...

everytime i feel... i get a heartache..

i'm already too tired to experience those hurtful things again... and i can't even imagine if i have to endure it once more... because... i've reached my limits.. i'm going through a phase which i start to give him messages which i felt in my nightmares... just like yesterday... i dreamt of that girl and i felt a disastrous heartache which ended me up sending him a message which i wanted to just type it and wished i could send it to her... and it hurts too much..

abg... syg sje post nie... tk tau abg bce ke tak... tk tau abg nk bce ke tak pn... tk tau jgk abg rajin nk bce atau tk... tp syg mntk maaf byk3... sgt3... syg btl2 tk sngje... cume da byk sgt bnde yg jd yg menyakitkn yg buat syg pnt sgt dan tknk dan mls nk tempuh lg... ade plk prkr yg buat abg ngn syg jauh nnt... dan syg tk tau syg kuat atau tk nk jalani waktu tu... tp pape pn, klau abg nk, trskn lah... sbb mcm yg syg slalu ckp... sumenye kt tngn abg... syg nk rncng... syg blh rncng skt je... sume mse dpn kte, mse dpn syg, kt tngn abg... syg duk diam tgk k... klau ade yg syg tknk, syg bilng abg...

him: abg prgi kjp je k... nnt abg balik ambk syg...

me: nnt tk dtg2...

him: npe syg ckp mcm tu... tk prcy abg eh...

me: prcy... tp ade byk kemungkinan yg tk mustahil...

abg igt tk mse abg bru knl syg... abg ckp...

"klau sye prgi lg, sye nk bwk awk ngn sye... msti best klau awk ikut skali... sye ade teman dlm flight..."

^_^ klau lah blh trjd kn abg... sumenye cume mntk air mate trun je skrg nie... hihihi...

ape la syirul nie... hmm... sakinah is thinking of moving in with me... nk pindah bilik lain type C... this is a very good news to me... but looking at the other side, it's not gd at all.... cause she needs to sacrifice many things in order to move out of that house...

it's like this... pindah dr situ, byk bnde kte akn hilang...

-kte tkkn tau pape sebyk mne yg kte prnh tau..

-kte akn hilang that special bond yg ade dlm diri kte...yg left is only love which will make us want to be with them again..

-kte akn hilang "kerapatan" yg ade mse kte duk satu uma dlu..

dan sume yg hilang tu bkn skt... nmpk cume satu prkr yg kte hilang... tp dr saru prkr tu, ade byk sgt3 yg kte akn hilang... mkin lme mkin byk dan mkin byk dan mkin byk... dan kte tkkn suke dgn prubahan yg ade...

as for me... ye ana byk kluar ngn abu... because that is the only time we have to be together other than in class... the situation is very very very different... and he is not just some guyfriend but he is my future... there is a lot of things for us to talk about... there is a need to spend time together because he is going to help me write my own future... insyaAllah... amiin... and i don't u to be alone at times when i need to be with him... if only there is other choice than this, i would certainly pick that choice if it doensn't hurt any sides... can u see what will happen if u move out? u won't like it because honestly, i hate it... but on top of that, i will always love u because u are my twin... forever... even if we are going to part one day, that is not going to change... ^_^

abg... trm ksh utk sume slame nie... klau ade jodoh, kte akn jmpe lg nnt kn...

hoilday

2010-04-07T16:08:00.004+08:00

salam to all... ^_^ i was planning to go to Kulai rite... and i went there as planned... Alhamdulillah... everything was nice and wonderful and better..... too many incidents have happened which changed almost everything in my life... and i just realise it now... -_-'

i'm going to be a 3rd year senior in KUIS soon... and this always reminds me of the day i 1st register in that college... the day i met him... the day i struggled to suit myself... the day everything was lost from me... the day i was hurt by my own friend.... and the day everything changed.. not only these happened in the college but also in my semester breaks... and i'm feeling very very very tired now...

plans after diploma??

1st: work

2nd: work

3rd: work

hahaha... this is what i'm going to do after i finish my diploma.. while waiting for my convocation day, i'm going to find a job and after that, i'm going to continue working.. i'm thinking of attending English Language course anywhere in order to get myself a job as an English teacher... i wonder if this will make me qualified to be a teacher... haha... but for the time being, i think i won't be able to attend any courses as i want to focus on stabilizing my job first... when everything is alright, i will then study English further... oh.... how i LOVE languages... isn't it nice to be able to learn more languages other than English & Arabic?? WOW!

on top of that, my situation doesn't allow me to continue studies further or work for a long time... there are other plans which are made by him... because i need to think about his plans too... he wants to go back to Syria for 3 years... and here i am... going to continue a job without wage and that is waiting for him... hmm.... bukanke krjku mmg mnunggu die sjk azali? -_-" his plan is.......... haha... too embarrass to tell.. *blush* but if i follow his plans, Alhamdulillah... may everything will be alright. but as for now, i can't think the best but only the worst as i think i need to prepare myself for the worst right... so many what ifs in my head... haisy...

i'm really feeling very tired right now... too many things ahead that i need to think.. so many that i think i will explode... hmm... so many preparations to be done... oh no... may Allah make these things easy for me... amiin...

2010-03-25T20:15:00.005+08:00

salam to all... ^_^ ok fine... actually i accidentally cut my previous post to add an image... whew... now i have to type all over again.. haha... ok... tomorrow i'm going to Kulai. Finally. haha... it's only for 3 days... it's better because i feel embarrass to stay there for a long period of time..

ok... looking at kak ayu's new blogskin, i decided to change mine too.. after a few hours of searching, i stumbled upon this bright & lovely skin.. hee... thanks to kak ayu for recommending the title "autumn" that i finally found such a nice skin for my bloggy... hihi... how guys? nice? haha... for me, it really is sweet...

a few days back, mom asked me to go to a shop quickly before her "students" came... so i just grabbed anything for me to wear and i put on my mom's clothes... and WALLA! i looked just like my mom... haha... take a look..

tadaa!!! haha... Ipah & Ipah junior... that
was what my sister said... >_^

unbelievably same isn't it? hahaha... obviously, i take after my mom but some of me, i take after my dad for sure... hee...

so i think that's all for now... i will be unable to update or online for 3 days... haha... btw, i really miss my secondary friends... really hope to make a gathering with them before i return to KUIS... that's all... c ya dear bloggy! may Allah be with us always... Amiin... ^_^

forget me.... forget me not....

2010-03-21T21:13:00.005+08:00

salam to all... ^_^ hmm... actually, what i'm going to say is not after all a good thing... just something from my heart which i feel i need to let it out... and dear bloggy.. u're my "diary"...

when holiday comes, and when i'm apart from him, this thing always happens to me... i'll remember each and every memory of me and him but his face will become fade which will end me up in a devastating situation.. i'll start to think abnormally (heh)... poor him... i'll end up sulking and hurting him in any way i can... how could i... i'm really sorry...

that incident which left a scar in my heart, makes me easily heart-broken and think twice to make a decision about 'us'..sometimes, i even think to leave u and marry somebody else before u leave me...again. either it is because of anything which makes u're forced to do so, or because of the existence of a 3rd party... and with you continuing studies somewhere where i'll not be there and far from me, which takes a very long time for us to be together and me waiting for you along that period without any "legal" relationship,.. it's just killing me as my life will be very and really simple after this... and this makes me cry even by thinking about it.. it's seriously torturing me mentally... and this is hurting u... i know... pls forgive me...

however, i really have to think positive... right? although that incident actually makes me lose my trust and my confidence in you... even though within that time i was undeniably stubborn to stick by your side when u hurt me over and over again, i forced myself to make u believe that i trust you when in that period of time,u left me again and again.. all that energy of forcing are gone... and as a result, this is happening... and now, i really am forcing myself to start trusting u again, and being confident in u again.. although it's very hard.... i will try... i really am trying hard right now... i apologise..

i want to be by your side always until hereafter... i want to be yours just like what u want... but please do something... do something please... because the planning of my future is in your hands... u are the one who will plan my future and will try to make it happen as planned with Allah's blessings... prove to me that u seriously need and want me,not with words but with actions.. so please... don't forget to put me in your plan because it is in your hands... do u read me,dear... do u?

i really hope i can express all these in words which will make u understand but u keep misunderstand which makes me so difficult to explain anything to u again... we both want the best for each other so we have to do the best, right...? i hope so...
dear Allah... pls unite us soon and tie us together forever until hereafter... amiin...

ape jd nnt...

2010-03-20T13:46:00.003+08:00

salam... ^_^ hmm.. nk crte ape eh ary nie... hihi... tk tau lak... hmm... smlm gi uma nenek.. da lme tk balik spore rpenye... byk sgt3 yg da brubah... uma nenek... emm...
eh... td nk crte something tp mcm da lupe je... haha...

ok fine... let's get serious...tk la... hee... 5th may nie da pndftrn utk masuk sem bru... tktnye nk kne buat latihan ilmiah da.... tajuk pn akn2 tajuk die... hihi... penyelia pn sme... insyaAllah senang skt buat krj..

hmm... dlm hidup nie kdg2, byk prkr yg jd... trlalu byk bnde yg brlaku smpai kte tk mampu nk prcy spe2... tu la yg syirul rse... syirul prcy die,tp sbnrnye mmg susah nk prcy die... syirul prcy kwn syirul... tp sbnrnye susah nk prcy die sbb da trlalu byk prkr jd yg buat syrul susah sgt3 nk prcy org lain...4 bulan tu... tak. lbh dr 4 bulan... kejadian tu ckup utk buat syirul serik sbnrnye... phobia. byk bnde yg syirul phobiakn.. byk sgt smpai jd syak wasangka... Astaghfirullah... ya Allah... nauzubillah... smoga ape yg syirul syakkn nie tkkn sesekali trjd... tlg la jgn,ya Allah... tlg lah... hmm... maafkn syirul sbb syirul sbnrnye msh cube utk prcy & yakin pd awk... dan utk kwn syirul... mntk maaf sgt3... sbb awk lbh sgale2nye dr syirul... dan syirul tk mampu nk prcy die trs.. dan prkr yg buat syirul sakit hati, syirul jd tk blh nk yakin & prcy awk jgk... mntk maaf sgt3...

i think that's all for now... really need to think this over... may Allah be with us always... amiin..

will i succeeed?

2010-03-17T15:53:00.003+08:00

Salam sume.... ^_^ hmm... ary nie,lg 2 jam, kul 6, insyaAllah, syirul nk gi jogging... hihi... tp tk tau gi ke tk nnt... tp syirul nk sgt3 prgi... syirul nk diet lg........ tp kali nie nk diet smbil exercise... klau tk nnt, prut syirul buat hal... hee... mk kate tk yah gi jogging... exercise arobic kt uma nie je da blh... ade cdnye... tp tk ckup tu... lgpn, ade cd jd mkin mls nnt... hihi... kluar jogging lbh ok la utk syirul... insyaAllah blh... tp kne la consistent kn...

hmm... nk ckp pe lg ye... haha... tk tau nk ckp pe sbnrnye... nxt week ary friday,syirul nk gi kulai... hmm... nnt jmpe die... >_<, akut sbb da lme tk jmpe... hee... i'll see u later,aite... utk my bestie...cpt sht k... nnt kte blh go out together... blh jln2... klau tk kt cnie, kte jln2 kt msi nnt aite...huhu... hmm... i think that's all for now... wish me luck utk consistent dlm exercise! hee... amiin... rajin2 tau syirul.. aja aja fighting! ^_^ may Allah be with us always.... for u, i really miss u... i hope we will be united to be together always one day... amiin...

2010-03-16T22:14:00.004+08:00

hahaha... mcm da lme sgt3 tk update blog nie... td bile bce blog kak yu bru rse mcm nk update sgt3... mcm2 da jd... smpai tk lrt nk crte sbnrnye... hee... ops lpe... Assalamualaikum... hihi... agk2 nye, ade org tk bce blog ni? mcm tkde je... haha... tkde pun tkpe... sbb blog kn mcm diary....hee...

1st! syirul tk tau pn mk kne operate! T_T mk kate mk tk bg yg lain bilng syirul sbb nnt syirul panic, syirul nangis2, trs balik spore mcm bile syirul dpt tau mk sakit... sedih! tp tkpe... sbb Alhamdulillah mk ok... and igtnye syirul nk diet... haha... skali tu btl2 kne diet, tp kne srtekn exercise skali... sbb klau tk, prut nie sakit lg... hmm.... sakit mse nk brsalin je nnt k prut...ngn bile ehm2... hihi... ok next!

1st sem in KUIS as a new student? haha... 1st sem eh... mcm2 jd... sumenye topsy-turvy.. pening... mse tgh xm bru settle... nk hrp pihak pengurusan siapkn cpt? Astaghfirullah... soalan yg kte ptut tny die, die tny kte balik... haisy... tp Alhamdulillah... siap jgk akhrnye... last sem mmg truk... cian Abu sye byk kne mrh ngn sye.... hihi... sory sgt3 ye abg.. mslhnye, bkn syirul mrh... tp ape yg jd pd syirul,mlampau sgt3... spe syirul pd die? kwn? klau kwn,knp tk hormat syirul sbgai kwnnye? bkn mntk dihormati, tp mntk die sdr utk bljr hormat dri sndri... klau la die tau ape sbnrnye lelaki2 yg syirul knl fkr psl die, tk tau la die rse mlu ke tk... dan tlg la abg syg... abg tau syg nie cpt je phobianye... cpt je trsenye... jd tau la ape yg syg tk ske,dan ape yg syg ske... mlampau... mlampau sgt3... sbb tu syg jd tkt sgt3... tiap kali fkr psl abg online,fkrn syg jd ke arah bnde2 mcm tu je.... syg tknk fkr,tk ske... jd sakit kple... tp tk tau knp tk blh nk dihalang... trgmk...

dan awk... syirul tau awk dr sem 1 lg mcm mne... dan klau ni la yg syirul dpt bile brkwn ngn awk, syirul lbh rela tk knl awk,tk brkwn ngn awk, tk rpt langsung ngn awk dr fkr bnde tk baik psl kwn sndri... fhm tk.. syirul lbh rela tk knl awk dr hidup syirul jd mcm ni, dr awk jd slh satu mslh yg mmbebankn syirul... syirul lbh rela tk jd kwn awk lngsung... maafkn syirul sbb ni yg syirul fkr...

Alhamdulillah sume da settle psl msuk sem... tp result?? OH NO! insyaAllah sume pass... Amiin... yg Syirul tau, mmg Syirul tkt sgt3 sbb Syirul tk buat btl2 dlm pljrn yg lps... klau merosot skt, tkpe lg... nauzubillah klau fail... nauzzubillah... tkt3...

ok... syirul gi kulai lg ary tu sbb mse nk balik spore mse chinese new year, passport trcicir dan syirul da kt dlm bas nk balik spore mse tu!! bygkn... syirul da otw tp passport tkde... nsb baik abg ade blh tlg ambkkn... dan prgi la syirul ke uma die... jmpe sume... mlu3.... tp Alhamdulillah... hrp lps ni sume ok utk ikat ikatan yg kukuh...amiin...and nxt week, nk gi lg... kak yu da tkde kat KUIS lg lps ni... nnt Syirul sakit2, ksian kt yg lain... syirul tknk susahkn spe2 lg... insyaAllah Syirul ok lps ni... Amiin...

nxt sem? hmmm.... syirul tkt klau mslh "awk" tu dtg lg... pnt nk tempuh kepntn mental... klau mslh yg kte nmpk,acceptable lg... klau yg tak... haisy... utk abg... hrp sgt3 abg fhm ye... dan syg akn cube sdaye upaye utk jg hati abg wlaupn syg yg slalu trleka... maafkn syg ya... dan abg... kte msti sntiase cube... cube utk dpt keredhaan Allah... sbb tk gne kte dpt kegembiraan yg dimurkai... nauzubillah... syg abg sgt3... insyaAllah Allah akn bntu kte utk sme2...amiin amiin amiin ya rabbal 'alamiin...

ok! tu je stakat ni! hee... nnt insyaAllah syirul post lg byk3 k... dada.. ^_^
may Allah be with us always... amiin...

rebirth

2010-01-24T18:47:00.002+08:00

whew... after so many months and so many weeks that it already reached New Year, i finally can post blog... wow! haha... not that surprising eh...

so many things have happened.. i was selected as "timbalan pengerusi II" for Persatuan Mahasiswa Usuluddin.. actually, it's not that surprising.. i've told u... haha... pengerusi die Abu and pengerusi I is Amin... can only work with both of the guys only... maybe because they know the flow of my work... it's kind of topsy-turvy for the first programme of our Lajnah.. it's a follow-up of Sakinah's dakwah assignment... my group is very great and i love them... really love them... thnk u girls for ur love and coorperation... ^_^

i really miss my bestie 4eva... Nur Sakinah Bte Mohd. Salleh.. it's really hard to meet her as we are in different course and we are tied to our works... always dreamt about her... haha... sometimes i wish that me and her didn't come here so both of us can always live happily... but there are pleasant surprise within all these... i get to know Muneer... whom i really love... and i get to meet Abu... a nice guy which has always given me comfort and lessons in life.. thnks a lot,Allah for the gifts that U have given to me...

but the presence of some people really make me feel uneasy.. the way they treat my loved one... as if there are no limits to where they are going.. don't u know that u are hurting me badly? and u, my love... u make me feel as if i'm being cheated by u... as if u have someone else beside me and it's not easy for me... are u using me? who am i to u? just a doll which u can tore it everytime u want? u are killing me... u really are killing me... awk tgh mmbunuh sye...dgn prbuatan awk tu...

and because of this, "this" thing came again... hasut Syirul dan buat Syirul prcy ape yg Syirul fkr slme nie btl... and is it really true? i don't know who should i believe... because u, u reallu look guilty... and i don't know if it is my imagination or not... every step u take becomes a strength for me to believe what i think... ape yg patut ye buat klau ape yg sye fkr ni btl? sbb muke awk kelihatan mcm awk mmg menduakn seseorg... Nauzubillah.. nauzubillah ya Rabb... Astaghfirullah...

it's been 2 nites since i got hurt... my body is aching all over and there are bruises which hurt so much that i feel like i'm dying slowly... this is insanity... Astaghfirullah... Syirulnk pastikn... wlaupun Syirul tk dgn die, Syirul sht... Syirul tetap sht... Syirul tknk brgntung pd org yg menyakitkn Syirul... brpe lme lg Syirul nk jd mcm nie? brgntung pd seseorg... utk pstikn "sesuatu" tu hilng dr dri Syirul.. but actually, Syirul bkn brgntung pd die utk tu... tp sbb Syirul syg die... dan klau kte syg ape yg kte nk? u know it... tp sbb tu Syirul nk brdri ats kaki Syirul sndri... Syirul tknk brgntung pd die... sbb klau Syirul trluke, luke tu akn jd teruk sgt3... haisy...

that's all for now i think... smoga die rse ape yg Syirul rse satu ary nnt... cme dgn cre tu die akn fhm ape yg Syirul alami slme nie... Amiin..

miracles do happen~

2009-11-25T22:57:00.003+08:00

alrite... here we go...
i was hoping that i could go back to KUIS to continue what i stopped...
and Alhamdulillah... after kak ayu's hardwork and muneerah's help,sakinah's hope and other's suplication...
with abg aizham's help too,and thanks for welcoming me,sir...
Ustaz Subari... i'm able to go back to KUIS delayed by a week from others...

that day was hectic... and for a few days,i had to sleep at kak ayu's room and muneer's...
after i got a room,i still sleep at muneer's as i am alone in that room...
haha... to go back to my sister's or sakinah's,it's really tiring... the hostel is too big aite... poor leggy... -_-"

but my so-called "comeback" has been misunderstood by some parties i guess...
did i come back because of him? did i? i'm sorry to say that i don't want to answer that question and i don't want to elaborate more why i come back to KUIS...
if someone really knows me,then he or she will surely understand why without asking... ^_^
for them who support me all along and have been lending a hand for me,i really appreciate...
thank u so much... ^_^ i love all of u...

but i'm still not officially in 4th semester... and i'm trying really hard... there are so much work to be done... -_-" but insyaAllah i'll be able to handle it...
i believe in myself and in Allah... He will help me... i'm very sure of it...

so until here then... for u,i love u... ^_^

18 October~

2009-10-18T19:01:00.005+08:00

On this very date in the year of 1991... a little girl was born in Kandang Kerbau Hospital after her mom,Sanipah bte Ngersiman was operated... the little girl was very red,small and had a very black and thick hair... her mother once told that in the operation room, the dose given wasn't strong enough to let her continuously being unconcious... she was half awake and felt the pain of being cut and she thought that she's dying... but fortunately, with Allah's wish, she manages to watch her 2nd daughter grows up until today...

then it's time to name the baby... so the rightful elder gave the mother to choose a name for the newborn baby which he had found...
-Najmulhuda
-Sirulhuda
-Qamarulhuda
and so... the newborn baby was named Sirulhuda... but when the mother wanted to write her name in the birth certificate, she added y between S and i... and so... this changed the whole meaning of the name which means: Showing Guidance or Guidance's Signal... (Syirulhuda)...

hye! ^_^ that was a story which happened 18 years ago... here, i really want to thank Allah for giving me a chance to live in this world... Alhamdulillah... and thank you,mom... for giving birth to me and endured the pain of the operation... thank you and sorry...

received a phone call,surprisingly from my beloved,one & only who is in Malaysia...thnk u so much,dear... ^_^ i thought no one remembered... hihi... but in the end of the day, i really had a great time... thanks Ju and Muneer... you are both great friends to me... Ju... thanks for the botol susu... hihi... and Muneer... thanks for being the first person to wish and treat me... i'm really thankful... ^_^

on my birthday today, my little sister went back to Malaysia and i really miss her as she is the 1st source of happiness in this household... study smart and don't forget to revise always aite... ^_^very much thanks to my dear Nafeesah for not forgetting and i really love the gift... thanks to everyone who wished me... i'm really grateful because of the thoughts given... i appreciate it a lot... ^_^

until here,may Allah bless all of you... Ameen...

with love;

-the little girl who's growing up from 18 yrs ago-

a happy moment?~

2009-10-16T18:29:00.003+08:00

a new student in Zuhri today and she's the same as me... K83... now i can finally be myself but still is yet to adapt wholly... it's really really hard...

she's nice and very friendly so it's easy for me to talk to her... i suddenly miss Muneerah so much... the situation is like when i first at KUIS...

-a guy got to know me
-a friend came along after i entered college

the situations are very alike... just that, that guy is not Abu and i don't want to get too close to guys and she is not Muneerah and will never be one... so,the old ones are still better for me... ^_^

she told me stories and so i realise that there are people in this world who are facing harder situations than me... so i need to be thankful... Alhamdulillah...she's quite adorable... but she has been offered to go to KUIS after being accepted at Zuhri... and she really wants to go to KUIS... haha... just imagine! i just dropped out from there aite... haila haila... just hope that we will be on good terms every now and then... Ameen...

and finally... Alhamdulillah... i got a msg from him... may Allah unite us one day under his barakah... Ameen...and...

a picture i really want to share with others... haha... i don't really know why but it's very cute and some of you must have looked at it... it's really nice... an expression of love... ^_^

-edited it a lil bit ^_^-

dream or nightmare?~

2009-10-10T19:16:00.003+08:00

2 more days to go... but i don't know what will happen when the time comes... are we going to stay or are you going to decide something like what you did before? i'm so scared that you'll be gone... for me,the distance is enough for me...

i dreamt you again... but for me,it's a nightmare... maybe it's because i'm really scared that i read your messages and cried until i slept... will this come true? i don't know... but this is the 2nd time that i dreamt like this... the 1st one, you asked me to throw something into the sea as a symbol that we've parted ways... and at that point of time, in my dream, i felt as if i was killed and i wanted to jump into the sea too... but i didn't. and we were together without anyone's blessings...

yesterday, you did it again in my dream.. you came out and said that you had to follow instructions... and like always, i just said yes and went away... after that, i cried hard... without you noticing it... it hurts that in reality, i realise that losing you is like losing part of me...

but i have to accept it if that's true right... i don't know if i'll accept anyone in my life again because it's going to be hard for me... really really hard... but i'll accept it... however, Nauzubillah...i don't want it to happen... i just want us to be together... Ameen...

this is just a piece of my thought and feeling.... not all can understand and maybe some will shake their heads when reading this... but i don't mind... i don't care what people think and feel... because not even one of them knows the truth... so i'll just let it be... it's just you,me and ALLAH... and that's more than enough for me...

Ya ALLAH... hny Kau yg tau, apa yg brada dlm hati ini... hny Kau yg mampu utk melakukn sgala sesuatu, maka aku mohon barakah dah rahmat drmu,utk merestui kami dan menyatukn kami dlm limpah kurniaMu... Ameen...

a memory~

2009-10-08T17:27:00.003+08:00

looking at her situation somehow reminds me of mine...

just last week, i was sitting in the MRT when there was a family of 3, a mother and 2 children i assume... but the little boy somehow didn't seem like hers... who do i say that?
i heard they were talking about the little boy talking about something like not wanting to be the little girl's husband... the 2 children were still in primary school i guess..

the boy said that he didn't want to marry that girl,and the woman between them somehow seemed angry with him since they went into the train... she didn't even take a glance at the boy and she asked the girl whether she wants to marry him and the little girl said...

"since he doesn't want to marry me,i don't want to marry him..." this conversation really attracted me... but not just what they were talking about... but the action of the woman and the boy... that boy reminded me of myself... when i'm scolded and my thought is not accepted by some people,i'll feel really lonely especially when they turned their back off me as if i'm not there... it's a feeling of embarrassment and anguish plus frustrated... the boy kept talking to himself and the woman ignored him... until they alighted at Simei... but the woman and the girl alighted first without the boy noticing... only when the boy realised that the doors were opened and they were not there that he ran out of train... poor boy...

and a couple replaced them... they looked like as if they were arguing... they were in silence until the lady hugged the guy's hand... as if she wanted to be consolled or was consoling the guy by action... and they reminded me of myself again... (not like i hugged someone's hand... it's the feeling and the aura... huhu)

i can't forget both scenes...which remind me more of myself... i thought it's only me that have ever been into that kind of situation... i hope there will be no one like me...ever.

seeing her being depressed and stressed about her problem,makes me cry... because she reminds me of myself again... another situation which is the same as mine... suddenly today, everything reminds me of KUIS... the subject today... the situation today...everything... and it makes me miss KUIS badly...

how i wish i could be strong enough to make sure this won't happen... if only i can turn back time... but i can't... this is my destiny now...

i won't forget the day i was given my matric no... that sweet memory and feeling of being happy... that one day when it's so light... that one fine day which can't be erased from my heart,my mind, which has been intertwined with my soul...
and i'm waiting for that one fine day to come again... that one fine day...

but it's my destiny.. i have to accept it... HE knows better than i do... i have to accept my destiny that has been written for me...
Ya ALLAH... jika ini jalan yg KAU pilih utkku,maka permudahkanlah segala urusanku... Ameen...

stories~

2009-10-05T18:27:00.003+08:00

yay! updatting bloggy at last... hmm... mcm mls tp nk update jgk! rase mls nie mmg btl2 kene atasi... haii...

okay... here it goes..~~ 1st day of school? hihi... fine for me... actually,my class was at 9 but suddenly a thought striked me... what if they put the wrong timing? what if actually there is an assembly before starting classes? hahaha... and i came around 8.30am... if the class is at 8,then i was considered late.. fuhh.. luckily,the class REALLY started at 9am... hihi.. and i was like a blur kid... looking for room 5... then,i heard the receptionists talking about new students being blur on their 1st day... kepoh k... pity me... huhu...

while waiting,i looked at my ex-classmates pics... and i nearly cried... i miss them lots and lots of ton... but i can never be part of them ever again... hmm... kak mas' present still makes me miss her so much... hmm...

luckily,Amal was there and Muneerah's friend was there too... i made some new friends Alhamdulillah... tp malu gile ya Allah... malu gile3... cume time bljr jer tk malu... hihihi... but overall,Alhamdulillah...

he's going for a while and i'm waiting... Bintang takkan indah dan lengkap tanpa Bulan,begitu jgk sbaliknya... pls come back for me... i'm waiting...

and guess what? something happened which makes me to have goosebumps... a friend is like misunderstands the way i talk and the way i 'entertain' him... oh my... may this is just a misunderstanding... Ameen...

k k... that's all... i'll update even more aite... nk solat maghrib nie... dada... may Allah bless you all always... Ameen... ^_^

accepted~

2009-09-28T18:59:00.002+08:00

ok... pilih warne sunshine dgn doa smoga hidup Syirul sntiase brchy mcm sunshine ni k... Ameen...

just registered at Zuhri td tgh ari and am accepted... will begin lessons starting from 5th of October... wish me luck! ^_^

chatted with Amal at MSN... she explained a little here and there about Zuhri... but really have to go through it myself to understand it wholly... haha... really confusing... mcm first time masuk KUIS... haiz... EH!! NO MENGELUH!! alrite alrite... understood...

i am in K8 and Amal said i'm in K83... she said i'm with sem 3 students... so.... like i'm the one and only sem 1 student... haha... malunyer............ sorng2 beb... tkpe2... bljr byk2 k... yg pntng,bljr... k k k...

tp tgk jadual,tk sesibuk kat KUIS... class paling lmbt hbs kul 2.30 ptg... Alhamdulillah... tp tk blh ckp byk2 nie... akn dtg tk tau lg... hmm... mcm mane lh agknye... jauh dr die.. jauh dr Syirul... ape lah akn jd nnt? smoga yg baik je... Ameen ya Rabbal 'Alameen...

k... so pls suplicate for me k... insyaAllah everything will go just fine... Ameen... k... need to go now... ade org nk dtg... signing out... Daaa~~~~

salam Aidilfitri...

2009-09-20T00:26:00.002+08:00

Alhamdulillah... last minute shopping... ade rezki lbh,dpt jgk baju baru & kasut baru...
brsyukur sgt3... raya kali ni,rmai org Syirul tgk mcm tkde mood nk raye... tk tau knp.... sbb economy mrosot ker? huhuhu...

mcm2 dh jd... yg kat dpn lg ni kte tk tau... yg Syirul tau, stiap kali Syirul fkr psl mase dpn,Syirul brdebar2 tk tentu arah... mcm2 kemungkinan Syirul fkrkn... semata2 Syirul nk siapkn diri klau2 bende yg tk baik jd mcm yg Syirul bygkn... tp... nauzubillah... smoga tak jd pape yg Syirul tk ingini... Ameen...

hari raya kali ni... tanpa disangka2...kak yu kene sore eyes.... kesian ye die... tp Alhamdulillah tk teruk sgt... cume nmpk merahnye... pedih... kesian die... insyaAllah cpt sembuh nnt...

hmm... new environment... new classmates... new subjects... tk smpat pun Syirul masuk pljrn2 takhassus Usuluddin... mcm nk nangis jer stiap kali ingt tk smpat bljr tu... prbandingan agama... pemikiran sains dlm Islam... syg syg syg... >_<,

Syirul syirul syirul... trm seadanya ok... insyaAllah ade hikmah... Ameen... hmm... i've been thinking non-stop about this particular person... sometimes i feel like,forgetting and act as if there's nothing,is a better idea... but after that, i'll end up feeling hurt because the picture of this person vanishing from my life is like a heart being throbed violently... can you feel the pain? i don't want to lose... and i don't want to get lost... pls watch over me... -_-,

hope to see you again soon...

2009-09-18T16:05:00.003+08:00

stepping back to my own sweet home,it means that i am leaving everything and everyone i love,in order to stay in the hugs of my loved ones... i'm really sorry that the end is like this... i'm sorry that i'm not strong enough to stay still... i've caused too much troubles... just read an entry from a friend's blog and i realized now that i love her dearly...

thnks for giving me the answer... you are the best pretender that i can't even find a clue of what you're feeling... thnk u... i was happy,honestly, when i finished picking up signatures from the mighty people.. huhu... i was really happy as i thought that it's over... it's over...

"dah selesai dah... nnt tunggu confirmation letter yg awk dh brnti... kte hntr kat rumah awk..."

and her face showed satisfaction... a staff in JKRP... but,the more i think, the more i feel sad and all i can do is to cry helplessly... in order to make sure that i will lead my life without any error,any hardships that will make me like this, i have to heed my mom's words... all bacause in the name of LOVE...

no one knows the truth why i accepted my mom's decision just like that... you see... i'm putting a high risk by leaving... but what happen after this,is destiny... i have to accept it my hook or by crook...

yes,mommy... we are close and then, we were drifted apart... it's my fault... and i never blame you fully for what happened... just when everything is going back to normal,i'm doing this... and i'm sorry... so what i could do is to suplicate... that one fine day, i will be happy by staying by the side of the one that loves me and the one that i love... Ameen...

i'm sorry... i really am... so just stay strong... take care of yourselves... pls don't ignore me when you see me again... pls stay with me so that everything will be alright....again.

a fine story~

2009-09-03T02:53:00.004+08:00

satu masa dulu... ada seorg putera yg tnggl di istana yg bsr,di mana dia memimpin satu negara yg aman dan damai.. tp dlm istana,dia tnggl dgn hny seorg dayang... tiada pengawal,ataupun sapa2 kecuali mrk brdua... dh lama dayang brkhidmat utk putera... sjk dia msh muda sgt3 lg... dayang syg sgt kat putera... dan dia cuma nk putera hidup bhgia tk keseorngn... die rela jg putera dan org yg putera syg seumur hidupnya...

satu ari,putera pnggl dayang... dan tanpa disangka2,putera kata yg dia nk dayang jd puteri... prmaisuri dia... dayang trkejut sgt3... dia sygkn putera sgt3... tp dia sdr yg dia cuma seorg dayang yg jauh byk kekurangn dr putera... dia sdr dia tk layak... tp putera tetap nk jgk... dia dh sygkn dayang... dia nk dayang yg jg dia smpai dia hembuskn nfs dia yg trakhr... dan...

"dayang hny tunduk dan menurut...kata diraja,tuanku putera..."

tibe2 satu ari,ada sesuatu trjd... putera trpksa buat kptsn yg brt... utk tngglkn dayang yg dia syg sgt3 ataupun tk wlaupun dia akn menyakiti dayang... tp dayang cuma angguk... menurut kata putera... dia tknk putera trtekan... dia tknk putera sedih dan pening fkr byk sgt mslh... jd...

"dayang menunduk dan mengerti... lantas mengundur diri demi diraja,putera yg dikasihi..."

tp sbb trlalu sygkn dayang... putera dtg dan prgi... stiap kali dia dtg kat dayang,dia akn rasa brslh dan lps tu tngglkn dayang lg... namun mcm tu,dayang sntiasa trm putera dgn hati yg trbukak... sbb dr dulu smpai skrg... die cuma sygkn putera dan hny putera sorng... wlaupun semua nya menyakitkn hati dan buat dayang mcm trgantung tanpa tali,dayang tetap tahan... smpai dayang lemah... dan tanpa disangka, seseorg yg tlh lama knl dayang,dtg ke istana dan meminta putera utk bwk dayang prgi utk jdkn dayang kuat... putera trperanjat... tp dia hormat pd org tu... dia hormat kptsn dayang... dia rasa brslh sbb buat dayang mcm tu... dayang cuma tunduk dan ikut ckp seseorg yg dia hormat tu... dia ikut ckp putera bila putera rela dia prgi...tp...

"dayang menyimpan kasihnya pd diraja,mnghrpkn putera tkkn prnh lupakn dia dan akn bwknya kembali satu ari nnt... tp dayang tetap menunduk dan menurut kehendak diraja,tuanku putera..."

back to Msia~

2009-08-31T10:54:00.006+08:00

Syirul tk tau nk buat ape lg,nk ckp mcm mane lg... Syirul cume blh mntk maaf kat org yg Syirul dh janji tu... jauh dlm hati Syirul... Syirul msh mntk kat Allah... mntk sgt3... smoga satu ari nnt die balik dan dtg kat Syirul utk die... brt btl hati Syirul... brt sgt3...

td mk tgk calander,utk tgk bile mk nk dtg,bwk brg2 Syirul balik Spore.. mk dh suruh Syirul pack skt2... Syirul pun rase mcm tu.. klau tk nnt,bile Syirul balik Spore,msti kecoh gile angkat brg2 Syirul sorng kn... hihi... girls... i'm going now... wish me luck...

kul 12.30 nnt,nk kluar dh.. bas plk kul 3... hmm.. mcm mane agknye nnt bile Syirul dh kat sini... it'll not be the same,i'm sure of that... bt maybe this is the best for me... Ameen... sometimes i feel,when i'm stepping away from KUIS,a miracle will happen that will let me stay until the end of 3 yrs... but i don't know if that's true... if it does happen,then it's a chance for me to face what i faced in KUIS again,it's a test of my strength... pls let me be strong after this,ya Rabb...

tp bile fkr balik,lbh byk advantages dr disadvantages bile Syirul brhnti... dan bile Syirul brhnti,Syirul mmprtaruhkn sesuatu,dan risiko nye amat tinggi skali... jd ape2 yg trjd,Syirul akn redha... i really have to prepare for the worst for this... ya Allah... tlg lh jgn sprti yg tdk aku mahukn... aku mohon... Ameen...

Syirul mntk,trskn prjuangn korng kat sane k kwn2 Syirul... trskn prjuangn Syirul jgk... igt dulu,Syirul org yg paling excited nk masuk KUIS smpai mk ngn bpk balik pun Syirul tk nangis... i was strong then... but not now... korng jgn brhnti bljr k... igt niat asal dtg KUIS... jgn sesekali lupe...

utk awk... saye tawakkal dgn Allah klau psl awk... tp jgn berhnti bljr dan kbrkatan Allah sgt penting utk kte carik ilmu... klau tau ape yg awk buat tu slh, awk jgn lh buat... awk seorg pljr... tk blh smbarang je tau... gd luck k... balik dan dtg lh... utk saye dan utk awk... Ameen... smoga Allah merahmati...

thnx to all for all... ^_^ gd luck for our Xm... may we all pass with flying colours... Ameen... ya Rabbal 'Alameen...

quitting~

2009-08-29T20:40:00.002+08:00

no one expects it.. including me... i came back to spore to convince my mom that i'll be ok if i continue in kuis... but instead of me,mom convinced me that i sholud quit... and i'm convinced by mom.. hmm...

saye mntk maaf,awk.. saye tau saye dh janji.. tp pd hari awk brjy nnt,saye akn dtg utk tgk awk..same ade dr jauh atau saye dtg dkt awk.. jgn lupekn saye... jgn lupekn kte.. cari lh diri awk.. knali diri awk.. fhmi diri awk.. sbb tu asas utk awk syg diri awk.. dan bile awk syg diri awk,awk blh syg org lain sepenuh hati awk..

trm ksh sume sbb slalu ade ngn syirul.. tp syirul tknk susahkn sape2 lg... trm ksh sgt3...

balik ke ni~

2009-08-28T09:38:00.002+08:00

DIA JHT!!
tp baik... hikhik...

YAY SPORE!! I"M COMING BACK HOME!!!

ape jd lps ni~

2009-08-27T16:08:00.005+08:00

lps Syirul brbual ngn mk, bincang ngn mk... last, we decide that i'm going to quit from KUIS... dan Syirul pun rase tu jln trbaik utk sume lg2 seseorg tu... klau ianya menenangkan bile Syirul tkde,Syirul akn tkde... smpai bile2...

tp bile Syirul fkr balik,Syirul sygkn Usuluddin... dan Syirul nk trskn. Wlaupun tu brmakne Syirul akn trs lukekn hati Syirul sndiri utk graduate dan buat mk ngn bpk bangga,Syirul nk trskn.. wlaupun tu brmakne lps ni Syirul akn jd seseorg yg keras hati dan trpakse buat sesuatu utk trskn kehidupan kat sini,Syirul akn buat.. utk lindung diri Syirul sndiri...

jd,Syirul akn bincang lg dgn mk ngn bpk... bile2 skalipun,Syirul akn balik Spore dan akn bincang balik... Syirul tkkn tngglkn ni sparuh jln sbb Syirul seorg manusia yg brpendirian... Syirul nk knl diri Syirul sndiri dan Syirul akn jg diri Syirul sndiri... Syirulhuda binti Ahmad ade MARUAH dan HARGA DIRI...

khas utk mk ngn bpk~~
trm ksh mk... sbb slalu ade dgn Syirul... tk ksh jatuh bangun mcm mane pun Syirul,mk slalu ade.... btl ckp mk... cume seorg mk yg akn brtahan dgn anknye... skali atau due kali kte jatuh,org akn bantu... tp lame2, org akn jd bosan... dorng tkkn snggup dgn kte... btl,mk... Syirul dh nmpk sndiri... trm ksh sgt,mk... Syirul tknk kecewekn mk... syg mk sgt3...

trm ksh bpk sbb slalu trskn usehe dan tanggungjwb bpk utk pastikn ank2 bpk dpt yg trbaik... Syirul nk trskn... syirul tkkn brhnti... syirul nk buktikn kat org yg bpk Syirul pndai... sbb tu ank2 nye blh brjy... Syirul akn buktikn ape yg org ckp kat bpk tu slh... Syirul akn trskn jgk... trm ksh... syg bpk sgt3...

trm ksh jgk kpd yg trdkt dgn Syirul,yg slalu ade dgn Syirul mase Syirul nangis... maafkn Syirul sbb slalu buat korang risau... hrp korang tkkn bosan ngn Syirul k...

-nk brkwn dgn org,kte bkn cume trm baiknye je,tp keburuknnye jgk tk kire teruk mane pun die... bkn bls ape yg die buat kat kte... tp sdrkn die...
nk brkwn dgn org,kte kene knl dan fhm die... buat stakat ckp je kte fhm,tp dgn tunjukkn...

-nk menyayangi seseorg,kte kene knl dan syg diri kte sndiri... bkn rosakkn diri kte dan ikut kehendak hati mase mncari diri kte... tp ikut jln yg btl.. mntk petunjuk yg btl... ikut akal fkrn... bkn hati dan prasaan je... TU YG MEMBEZAKN ANTR MANUSIA DGN HAIWAN...

ATTENTION PLS~

2009-08-22T14:37:00.006+08:00

first of all... i don't know what happenened to my surroundings... everything is changing when actually i don't need these changes the most... hmm... if i'm wrong, then i'm sorry... really really really sorry for the mistakes i've done to all of you... for the troubles i've caused you... i apologize...

for some people,yg resah tgk cara kehidupan Syirul skrg ni... yg rase rimas tgk Syirul ke hulu ke hilir... keluar byk2 dr KUIS.. yg risau trsgt3 tkt Syirul brubah... dan rase Syirul menjauh dan rase Syirul brubah... YES I'VE CHANGED! hihi... dan prubahan Syirul pd Syirul sndiri,bkn sesuatu yg baik... prubahan Syirul bkn mengarah kpd kebaikan... yes i know.... and i realize it... but because of this kesedaran diri,Syirul tgh brusaha sesungguh2 Syirul utk cari diri Syirul yg sbnr... utk jd seseorg yg Syirul prnh jd satu hari dulu... because i miss myself...

Syirul ade satu mslh... dan mslh ni mmg trlalu amat menyakitkn Syirul smpai Syirul jd hilang focus pd pljrn... sesuatu yg Syirul amat takuti... it's really scaring me if u want to know... i'm trying to stand back on my own feet... but i don't want all of u to see.. mcm ni lh... ade sesuatu trjd dan Syirul dh nmpk niat Syirul dtg sini... niat yg kebykn rmai org dh lupe sbb sibuk dgn urusan masing2 iaitu nk cari ilmu... nk banggakan mk bpk kte... tny lh diri sndiri... are you really sure that you didn't forget? confirm? confident? bgs nye klau mcm tu... Syirul trs trg... dan mengaku yg Syirul trlupe... tp trm ksh sbb keadaan ni yg mengigtkn Syirul kembali pd niat asal Syirul...

ye Syirul byk kluar dr KUIS.. byk kluar dgn Muneerah,Diela dan kdg2,Abu pun ade... but believe me... Abu byk tlg Syirul... klau ade yg fkr,Syirul mengenali Abu adlh satu kesilapan,then that's a terrible mistake... Abu byk ajr Syirul... byk tlg Syirul.. btl kdg2 die ade bile Syirul kluar dgn Muneerah... but actually... i owe him a lot... maafkn Syirul klau Syirul dh buat rmai org fkr bkn2 psl Abu... trm ksh,Abu Hanifah...

Syirul tgh cube bangun dr kejatuhan Syirul... seriously syirul tk tau ape jd dgn sekeliling Syirul... skrg ni,Syirul tramat prlukn kwn2 Syirl,kluarga Syirul,org yg Syirul syg... Syirul nk ubah balik kpd diri Syirul yg dulu,yg blh ktw dgn senang hati..tp tgk sekeliling SYirul skrg ni,Syirul tk diberi peluang lngsung... ye Syirul brubah...tp tk ke org2 sekeliling Syirul turut brubah trhdp Syirul? and that hurts even more..i need my strength but it's nowhere to be seen... ya Allah... pinjamknlh aku kekuatan agar aku dpt hadapi ujian yg Engaku berikn pdku ini... Ameen...ape yg jd kat Syirul skrg ni,mmg tgh menyakitkn... mmg brt.. tp Syirul tknk org nmpk... Syirul kehilangn org2 yg Syirul syg one by one... tk sakit ke korng klau prkr mcm ni jd kat korng?

utk mrk yg fkr hidup Syirul ni dh tk tentu arah,jgn risau.. hidup Syirul msh tk hancur lg... Syirul tgh btlkn hidup Syirul skrg ni... Syirul tau ape yg tgh jd kat Syirul.. Syirul tau ape yg Syirul buat... Syirul cume mntk sgt korng doakn Syirul... smoga Syirul tk trjerumus dlm dosa yg melampau... Ameen...Maafkn Syrul klau ade yg anggp syirul dh brubah... maafkn syirul klau ade yg rase hidup Syirul dh tk btl... tp Syirul mntk sgt3,doakn Syirul agr Syirul tk trkluar dr syariat Islam... ana prlukn doa korng jd ana tk trlanjur dlm dosa dan noda... klau ade pun ana trbuat sesuatu yg tk spatutnye,tu antr ana dgn Allah... nauzubillah... lg2 utk korng yg syg sgt kat Allah... yg sntiase mnghrp ksh syg dr PENCIPTA kte, syirul prlukn sgt3 doa korng... bkn pandangan mate yg menunjukkan seolah2 Syirul org yg brdosa... Syirul mntk sgt doa dr korng,bkn lynn yg menunjukkn seolah2 Syirul org yg sntiase brslh... Syirul prlukn sgt korng doakn Syirul, bkn pandangn mata yg menunjukkn seolah2 Syirul seorg manusia yg tkde maruah dan harga diri...

ya Allah... Syirul cume nk hidup syirul yg dulu.. yg dh hilang skrg ni... Syriul prlukn sgt3 org32 yg Syirul syg tp mungkin dorng tk nmpk lg... i;m trying really hard to stand up on my own feet... dan ana tk bilng sape2 pun kecuali org yg ana syg sgt dr kck... Syirul tknk kehilangn org2 yg Syirul syg... tlg lh... tlg nmpk.. jgn butakn hati... mungkin korng igt korng nmpk... tp sbnrnye korng nmpk dgn mate kasar... tlg sgt... mungkin ape yg korng nmpk,tkkn same dgn ape yg dh jd...Syirul hargai sgt3 org2 yg Syirul syg ni... korng slau ade dgn syirul... dan Syirul btl2 trhutang budi dgn korng... Syirul syg korng sgt3... hargai sgt korng yg slalu ade ngn syirul...sbb skrg ni... syirul dh tkde pape lg kecuali org2 yg Syirul syg...

mk...bpk...kak Yu... Nadia... Syirul syg sgt3 kluarga Syirul... klau ditakdirkn satu hari nnt Syirul akn kehilangn kwn2 Syirul,Syirul cume ade kluarga syirul je... Syirul tknk kehilangn kluarga Syirul... Smoga Allah satukn kte di akhirat nnt... Ameen...

Sakinah... ana syg sgt kat ant... ant slalu ade dgn ana mase ana nangis,mase ana happy... tkpe klau tkde org prcy ana,aslkn ant msh prcy ana.. tkpe klau sume org brpaling dr ana,aslkn ant msh ade lg dgn ana... ana hargai ant sgt3... trm ksh sbb slalu ade dgn ana... smoga Allah temukn kte kat akhirat nnt... Ameen...

Kak Su...Zunairah...Nafeesah...Afifah... korng dh dgn ana dr sem 1 lg.. dan korng msh kuat lg utk tnggl sermh dgn ana brulng2 kali... korng dh mcm adk bradk ana... trm ksh sbb slalu ktw ngn ana,ade ngn ana mase ana sakit,mrh,nshtkn ana bile ana buat slh... trm ksh sgt3... ana hargai korng sgt3...

Rafidah... Qurratu... Aisyah... Ainul... Nurul... byk lg yg korng tk tau psl ana sbnrnye... dan byk lg yg ana tk tau psl korng... tp ana brtrm ksh sgt3 kt korng sbb sudi nk kwn ngn ana... risaukn ana,ambk brt psl ana, jd kwn ana... trm ksh sgt3... tmpt korng ni,tkde org yg blh ganti... insyaAllah...

Muneerah... Diela... kte syg sgt kat korng... korng slalu ade ngn kte bile kte sedih,bile kte nangis,bile kte ade mslh... tgk lh baru brape lame kte knl...tp korng sudi nk kwn ngn kte... kte syg korng sgt3... trm ksh sbb slalu ade ngn kte,ktw ngn kte,buat kte ktw,senyum mase kte tgh sedih... trm ksh sgt3... syg korng..

Afiq... aku tau dh 2 kali kau kelam kabut hntr aku gi hospital... trm ksh sgt... mungkin kau tk nmpk yg kau slalu tlg aku... kau slalu crite2 kat aku,Muneerah ngn Diela.. tp aku nmpk yg kau slalu ade... trm ksh sgt kat kau sbb nk kwn ngn aku...

yg trakhr... yg sntiase akn jd yg trakhr utk Syirul...

Abu... Abu Hanifah bin Muhammad Nosskah... sdp name awk... unik. byk sgt yg saye nk ckp kat awk... byk sgt yg saye nk crite kat awk... tp saye tk tau mane satu saye nk buat... trm ksh... trm ksh sbb awk org prtame yg tegur saye,yg brkwn ngn saye... trm ksh sgt3 sbb sudi nk brkwn ngn saye...wlaupun rmai org yg sangke bkn2 psl awk...yg ckp mcm2...tp awk msh lg kwn ngn saye... trm ksh sgt3... sbb awk msh ade kat sini...msh ade ngn saye... akn dtg saye tk tau... tp trm ksh sbb msh ade ngn saye skrg ni... igt tk awk slalu prnh ckp dulu yg saye tk hargai org yg saye syg... tp sbnrnye... saye hargai sgt... saye hargai awk sgt3... tp maafkn saye sbb tk tau nk tunjukkn... maafkn saye sbb slalu susahkn awk,maafkn saye sbb saye jd penyebab rmai org fkr bkn2 tntng awk... trm ksh... awk tau tk,bile awk kate awk sbnrnye jht,saye dh tau yg awk jht... tp tk ke sume org jht tu ade kebaiknnye sndiri? btl kn... trm ksh,Abu... Smoga... Allah temukn kte kat akhirat yg kekal satu hari nnt... Ameen... ya Rabbal 'Alameen...

Syirul mntk maaf sgt sbb byk susahkn org2 yg Syirul syg... lg2 mase Syirul sakit... Syirul tk mntk Syirul jatuh... tp klau ade yg fkr Syirul sngaje,maafkn Syirul... Syirul akn cube tk jatuh lg... maafkn Syirul sbb susahkn korng sume... tp trm ksh sbb slalu ade ngn Syirul.. Smoga Ramadhan kali ni,Allah beri kebrkatan kpd sume... Ameen...

feelings~

2009-08-20T17:40:00.003+08:00

so many things have happened... so many things i've observed... so many things i've think about... so many things i've concluded... but all of these, are negative to me... and the more i do,the more i get hurt... people always say to me... "THINK POSITIVE! can't you just put away that negative thinking of yours?" nope... i can't... not in a thousand times... NEVER... do you know why? i'll tell you...

i'm preparing for the worst to come..
i don't want to put hopes onto people..
i don't want my pain to get worse..
i'm training myself to accept everything that is given to me without sighs..
i'm training myself to get used to live by my own when my other part is gone..

now do you understand? if i think positive, then something bad happens... won't i get hurt badly? i don't want that to happen... i need to protect myself... that's what i know... maybe some people might say that my way of thinking is wrong... but honestly, don't worry... i know what i'm doing... because IF I THINK NEGATIVE,AND SOMETHING GOOD HAPPENS,I'LL APPRECIATE IT ALL MY LIFE.. i'll protect what i get... that's how i think...

i don't know what to think anymore... i don't know what to feel... what i'm seeing with my eyes, what i'm listening with my ears, and what i'm saying with my mouth,is hurting myself... what i know is i'm always crying bitterly without me realizing it... what i'm supposed to do...

i can't look anymore... it's too confusing... and i have to be patient everytime i look..i have to put on a big smile and laugh as if i'm alright... it's tiring living like this... i don't want to go back to Spore... cause once i'm there,i don't want to come back here anymore... EVER. i have reasons to drop out form this college... i'm sick... always sick... and i have to be near my parents... that's one of the reasons...

i don't want to see it...
i don't want to hear it...
i don't want to talk about it...

but here i am... still pondering over it again and again and again...

Smoga Ramadhan kali ni membawa keberkatan kpd semua dan jgk diriku... Ameen... ya Rabbal 'Alameen... -_-

fainted again~

2009-08-19T21:34:00.002+08:00

ya Allah... sungguh Syirul tk mengerti... tp andainye sume ini adlh dugaan utk Syirul trs hidup dlm kbnrn,maka teruslh menguji...beri lh Syirul kekuatan ya Rabb... krn sesungguhnya Syirul tk punya kekuatan yg mencukupi... pinjamkn lh hambaMU ini kekuatan dan ketabahan utk terus brjln dgn tenang di ats bumi ciptaanMU ini ya Robbul 'Izzah... -_-

ya Allah... Sesungguhnya Engkau telah memberiku nama Syirulhuda... menunjuk kpd petunjuk... satu isyarat kebenaran... maka ya Allah... biarlah Syirul hidup dengan memberi semua orang yang Syirul sayang seperti nama Syirul... aku mohon ya Rabb... krn aku tidak punya apa-apa lagi selain dariMu... maka bantu lah syirul....

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim... aku berlindung denganMU dari kejahatan dan kelicikan syaitan yang kejam... Ameen...

isk isk~

2009-08-17T02:06:00.001+08:00

i'm crying silently~

i'm crushed~

i don't have anything else but knowledge~

It's killing slowly~

it's over~

2009-08-16T19:46:00.004+08:00

someone:"aiman... syg teacher tk?"

baby boy:"syg..."

someone:"syg teacher smpai mane?"

baby boy:"smpai syurga..."

this is a story which happened a long time ago... but thanks to this little baby boy, i realize that i love everyone i love until up there...heaven... insyaAllah...

someone:"btl ke awk rase ape yg awk rase?"

little prince:"btl..."

someone"ok... kte tunggu 3 tahun... lps 3 tahun,kte tgk ape jd..."

little prince:"baik lah... kte tgk lps 3 tahun..."

this is a story which happened a year ago... but believe me... it hasn't reached even 2 years but everything has changed... that's just words from someone... because the situation around this person has changed,everything changes...so... if someone wants to love me... he must love my feelings CREATOR... ^_^

little prince:"awk nk ke mcm tu?"

someone:"blh tk klau awk nk,awk buat je... jgn fkrkn saye..."

little prince:"blh ke klau awk tk fkr saye?"

someone:"emm... tak..."

little prince:"mcm tu jgk saye..."

someone:"tp awk buat tu sbb saye bkn sbb ape yg awk nk... tk gune mcm tu..."

it's as if i'm the only one who is feeling the tension and is struggling... as if it's me and only me... this person wants to be free and it's as if what i'm feeling is a 'halangn' to this person... it's no use asking me... i'm sorry... but i can't trust you anymore...

so i'm living in this world...studying really really hard because this is what is left for me... pls Allah... help me...smoga Ramadhan kali ni membawa barakah utk hambaMU yg amat lemah ini... Ameen...

chaos!~

2009-08-13T02:30:00.002+08:00

supposedly,hadith assignment must be sent by today before 5 in the evening... but here i am... just finished doing it and will hand it tomorrow... i'm so scared actually that ustzh will reject our assignment... how can i lose the track of time... -_- haiz... i'm so careless... i don't even know the actual date of deadline for assignments...

i haven't type usul fiqh's assignment and yet there is so much to be done... hmm... and my throat is still itching... my nose is still running... i have to go around with a snif sniff sound... coughing until the whole class hear it... >_<,

*sniff sniff* my nose is doing the talking now... don't know what to update... ouh!
Ramadhan's around the corner so Slmt Menyambut Bulan Ramadhan aite...? jgn pose yok yok... hikhik... final exam is coming too... how will i do in the finals this sem... wo pu zhi dao.... hmm.... just have to pray a lot eh... but first thing first... HARDWORK! JIA YOU LIL GIRL! >_<

k that's that... c ya around then... dada...

usul fiqh,syirul~

2009-08-11T10:04:00.002+08:00

dlm keadaan ngntuk yg tramat3 skali.... syirul telah prgi ke klas dan mndapati bhw KLAS TKDE!!! >_<, ok.... typo error byk2... mate pun mcm nk rabun je kn... kikik.... tak bwk tisu sdgkn hingus ni dh tk sbr nk menjenguk dunia dan nak membuatkn Syirul nmpk selekeh... oh no no no... i won't let u have it ur way.... =p

emm.... lps tu ape? ouh! kemungkinan bsr ade midterm tafsir rabu ni.... arab tak tau lg... english pun tk trkate2 lg bile... yg sgt3 merisaukn.... ASSIGNMENT USUL FIQH! waaaa...... tak cari bhn rujukn pun lg... tp nk kene hntr dh minggu ni ataupun mlm ni? ?_? jd.... syirul kat library nk cari bhn rujukn... end up update blog ye....

huhh... balik ke KUIS lg... skjp je mase brlalu... mcm baru smlm diumumkn cuti mengejut... tibe2 ari ni dh kt KUIS balik... ade 1 prkr yg Syirul tk suke sgt bile balik spore... iaitu nk kene balik sini... kikikik... sungguh tk best prasaannye.... dan knp ye ari ni ayt2 syirul mcm skema gitu... hmmmmm.............

emm k lah.... sblm rmai org dan buku rujukn dicuri.... baik syirul gi skrg... *sniff sniff... dada all....
may Allah be with you always... Ameen...

go or stay?~

2009-08-09T19:39:00.002+08:00

this afternoon...dad came back bringing a big tuna fish and asked me to cook it... but kene siang that fish right... i was like....?_? how to... ?_?

and for a beginner yg slame ni siang ikan2 kck je,first time siang ikan bsr mcm tu... I SUCCEED!!!! WOOHOOO!!! hihi... mnjd jgk aku masak ikan tu yea... brbaloi tgk mak slalu mase siang ikan... kikikik... tp yg mknn byk2 tu... syirul sorang ngn bpk... mak tkde slere... demam sakit2... haiz... =_= Astaghfirullah...

so... because of this... i'm thinking right now whether to go back tomorrow or stay here until mom gets well? but dad said it's ok... but mom will have no one to accompany her... hmmmmm...... what i'm supposed to do? there's ton of work waiting to be done yet i haven't even start to do even one! why i'm so lazy this sem?!!! at this rate... i'll just stop........................ playing with lappy! (haha... that's a joke isn't it? no lappy? NO!)

hmm... muneer's down with fever... mom too... dad's got a very very high temperature but still walks around as if he's a healthy guy... wow... if i want a hubby... i want someone like daddy who is a very caring,loving and responsible man... wow... i really salute you,dad... i looooove both of ya.... so the verdict? hmmmmmmmmmmmmm..........................................

no no no~

2009-08-09T10:07:00.002+08:00

*sniff sniff *cough cough adeih adeih... it really hurts you know... when the fever is gone.. now the coughing is going bad... =_= and i feel worse... أسغفر الله العظيم ... mntk ampun byk2... smoga Allah maafkn Syirul... ameen...

poor mom and dad... the fever has gone to them now... and i feel bad... they keep saying...

"tkpe lah... tk pe... asalkn yul tk sakit tkpe... biar mk ngn bpk je yg sakit..."

it's heart-wrenching you know... to see that your parents are getting sick and they say it's ok as long as their children are fine... >_<, it's really sad... dad's temperature is high yet he still goes to work... he's really hardworking... always think of his responsibilties... may Allah protect him... Ameen...

mom is not fine at all.. but for me, as long as she still can open her eyes, talk to me and joke around with me, i'm relieve... and i'm going back to Msia TOMORROW!!! oh no no no... >_<, poor mom and dad... i really want to be around them... i really want to... =_=

oh ya... before i forget... (how can i forget?) huhu... HAPPY NATIONAL DAY SPORE!!!! HAPPY 44th BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!! LOVE YA LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS OF TON!!! hikhikhik... emmmemmmm.... nk tgk NDP!! mcm tak best gitu kn... tahun lps langsung tak brpeluang... a BIG tak brpeluang nye...

patutnye ari ni nak gi kulai tp mk ngn bpk sakit,tk jd... tkpe... yul tk ksh pun... ^_^ it's ok k... for mom and dad... this is for both of you...

I love u very much... ^_^ pls get well soon... your daughters really love both of you... and we're very worried... it should be us saying it's ok if we get sick but not both of you... may Allah always be with both of you and protect you... Ameen...

for someone who i love so much... you should know this is wrong.... and i know you know it because at the end of the day... it's always you who realises it first and say it to me... i really hope this will end... not you and me... but what we're going through... and i really hope it will end us up in a good way that is what we want... because if it doesn't happen,i'll not be able to do it all over again... i really can't do it anymore... so pls... we must do something... and we need to do something... this is wrong... it's not the path which we should have taken... i feel guilty... and i don't think i need to say sorry because i'm not feeling guilty for a wrong matter...

for someone who i love to be with... who is always taking care of me... who is always by my side... i'm doing what i'm doing right now for some reasons... i don't want you to go... i don't want you to go with anyone else... pls understand... i'm so scared... i feel guilty... there are so many what ifs in my head... i hope you will say it to me... that we must do something and this can't go on... you do know that don't you.... you know.... i'm saying this, i'm thinking like this and i'm feeling like this because i don't want to lose the person i love most... pls... pls pls... you must realise it... you must... i don't want to do it all over again... i'm so tired... and if i lose, it'll be really hard for me to start again... to do it again... it'll be very hard... if only you can hear my silent cries... -_-

lousier than lousy~

2009-08-08T19:14:00.000+08:00

went back to Msia to visit Nadia ak KKB and wanted to go back to Kulai but left with no time so mom,dad and me cancelled our plan to go back to Kulai... dad said to bring me there tomorrow as dad's shop will closed half day as it's NATIONAL DAY tomorrow... but i'll be leaving for Kulai tomorrow... huhu... ^_^

some shocking news when i heard Muneer fainted and was sent to hospital as she is having a high fever... poor her... told him that and he said..."Cian Muneer... die byk lyn kerenah kte kn..."hihi... and so do you realize that only now? she's already like my sister to me... never fail to make me smile and laugh when i feel down... hope u'll get well soon,muneer... may Allah always be with you,aite... u're a gd girl... Allah loves you... ^_^

fever comes and go... and i feel lousier than lousy... >_<, flu and coughing non-stop that i feel like my throt will drop... it hurts so much... i'm having difficulty of breathing also... my my... this is very dangerous isn't it? that's why i refuse to go to clinic or hospital... i'm very scared that i'll be suspected of 'that' u know... na'uzubillah... really want to meet this someone... insyaAllah ade jodoh,rezki,bsk Syirul jumpe jgk... Ameen...

going back to KUIS next Monday but i'm still sick... oh no... this won't do... poor mom and dad are getting sick too... Gomenasai... >_<, oh Allah... pls protect them who i love... Ameen...

k then... that's that... i'll update more soon aite... dada...may Allah be with all of u always... Ameen...

balik msia 2 ari~

2009-08-06T13:47:00.004+08:00

sakit tak hati bile org yg kte syg tu diminati rmai gile3 hbs die pun melyn then bdk tu plk mntk sesuatu yg pd Syirul mmg lh tak patut... ikutkn hati... nak aje ckp *tuuut *tuuut... hihihi... tp Syirul bkn yg jenis mcm tu ok... syirul tahan je... tahan tahan tahan... smpai kwn Syirul kate...

"Syirul ni kuat tau... kuat tahan.."

hihi... thknx for that,Su... mmg btl pun Syirul kuat tahan.. lbh baik kte tahan dan cube utk prcykn die dr buat die ragu2 ngn kte... sakit sgt3... mcm nk rebah je rase....
ok.. i don't know whether it's a gd news or not... but i want it to be a gd one... congrats one-chan... u're really moving on... and i know that u know what's waiting for u in front there... just be strong... i really hope that this one will last forever for you... pls be strong ok...

like moi? one and only... from then until now and i hope until eternity although it will be really hard... pls pls pls... ameen.. -_-

*cough cough oopss... nothing to worry about... hope we'll all get well soon... ameen.. sakit btl ank tekak syirul... kesian die... sbr ye... nnt baik lah tak lame lg k...
syirul mntk mak nak balik kulai jumaat ni... tp tibe2 bpk rncng balik kulai ptg ni... maybe ade kenduri kot kat sane... ari kan nisfu syaaban... ape syirul nak ckp eh nnt... hmm...?_? pape pun,syirul nak visit seseorg kat sane.. tu the main oint... pas tu nak visit kak Ayu pas tu nak visit nadia plk... kesian nadia pun tgh sakit... sbr yea... pas tu nak balik spore balik pas tu balik ngn yg len ari isnin nnt... NATIONAL DAY IN SPORE~~!!! wuhhu...

and u mister... what u msged me just now better be true or u'll get it from me! and don't talk or say what u said to me to anyone else or u'll never ever see me talking to u ever again! hmmph1 >_<, it hurts if u do u know... =p

k then... need to prepare something something.... ptg ni nak brtolak dah... dada...
may Allah bless all of you.. ameen..

*ya Allah... tetapkan lah hatinya... begitu juga hatiku... ya Rabb... kuatkan lah hati kami utk menepuh sgala2nya... jgn lh trlps biarpun sesekali kehilangn... ya Robbul 'Izzah... aku brmohon... luruskn lh prjlnn kami ini... Ameen ya Rabbal 'Alameen...

love story

2009-08-05T23:08:00.003+08:00

how should i put this in words... i have no idea how to... it hurts too much that i just don't know what to feel anymore... i'm really very troubled over a matter.... pls stop now... u can stop now... pls don't do this... pls i beg... pls no...

it really is nice to watch the one you love crying, pondering and hurting because of you isn't it? it's enjoying right...then so be it...

back to hometown~~

2009-08-05T04:09:00.002+08:00

shouldn't i be smiling from ear to ear when i heard that we'll be going home? shouldn't i be laughing when i know that we're taking a sudden break for a week? but why i'm feeling weird and sad deep within me? it's so unnatural that i can't hold on anymore...

so many things have happened and i don't want to lose them all... maybe it's too sudden and i'm not ready for this... it's too sudden for me that i can't hold back my tears... it's really weird... why am i smiling and crying at a time? this shouldn't be happening... this can't happen...

there was this one time when things that suddenly happen occured and as a result, i have to let everything go... although it's not my fault wholely... and it's affecting me until now... and i'm scared.. really scared that this something bad will happen again and affect me deeply that i will breakdown for a really long time.. i don't want that to happen cause it hurts so much... and it's still hurting...

this someone said to me, that it'll be hard... it'll be really hard... so i told this person that i want to be together... it's ok if it hurts too much... it's ok... i'll pray... i'll pray that one day the sun will shine upon us and we'll be able to smile like that day... i want to smile again... all i want is to be together... with mom, dad, one-chan, imoto-chan, watashi no tomodachi... and this person...

pls.. i'll pray that we'll be able to cross all these hurdles... i'll pray... i'll go with you and if you have to go,pls come back... pls come back and don't forget that i'm waiting... i don't want that matter to occur two times... i'm really scared... pls Allah... lend me YOUR strength... i need it.. i really need it... i must smile... i must smile... i must...

SMART II !!!

2009-08-05T00:59:00.003+08:00

sem 3 yg prgi ke Penang... tahniah ats komitmen yg diberikn... hihi...

*me? i had a great time for sure... ^_^

*Muneeer... pngorbananmu dilht YG MAHA ESA... ^_^

* fasi trbaik! Afiq!!! wuhu!

* Abu... wlaupun letih... jia you!

* YUS! tk sangke kau prgi... best lah kau... ^_^

SMART!!!

2009-08-04T21:18:00.003+08:00

ni lah gmbr2 yg dipetik dr programme Usuluddin... have a nice look around! ^_^

pnt+ngntuk+sakit

2009-08-03T13:50:00.002+08:00

"kau hancurkn hatiku... hancurkn lg..."
fuhh... lagu...hikhik...

^_^ hye! salamz... Syirul baru je balik dr Penang... SMART kat sane? wlaupun byk tidur tp... FANTASTIC! Alhamdulillah... sumenye ok... byk bende jd sepnjng kat sane... i'll update the pics later ok...

1st,agknye sbb cuaca panas sgt dan Syirul sakit kepale, Syirul pengsan... aaaaaaa!!! malu3... dh lh kene angkat masuk bilik... dan di ats sbb kejadian ni, mrk2 yg brkenaan nk elakkn Syirul dr trlibat dgn muhasabah diri pd mlm tu... tp... sbb nk elak punye elak... trjdlh prkr ke-2...

2nd, akak tu ajk Syirul prgi teman die mkn ubat kat bilik. syirul teman je lah.. tanpe disangke2, mrk2 yg berada di dewan tu tk tau Syirul naik ats, dorng dh kelam kabut cari Syirul igtkn Syirul hilng... huhuhu... GOMEI! >_<>

3rd,bile nk balik tu,bag yg Syirul bek ade vest sume,Syirul tngglkan kt dlm bas... tp tkde. kecoh satu bas cari bag Syirul lg2 yg lelaki kat dpn tu tlg cari...hihi... tk sangke. Syirul relax je kt blkng... tp akhrnye bag tu dijumpai... kak Sabirah yg bwk skali mase turun bas.. ouh... thnks sgt3...

and something did happen... something... tp tk tau lh ape plk jd lps ni... blm pape,ari ni sakit hati lg... part and parcel of life eh... dh lh asik nk tidur je... sakit2... Astaghfirullah... klau asik nk tutup mate je... baik mati je. mcm tgh practise nk mati plk. hihi... mrapu2 je... dhlh smlm mamai turun bas prgi the mall dan mamai tu smpai naik bas balik... teruk kn...

k lah... tu je... pics programme,i'll update soon ok... best... tahniah seniors,Usuluddin... ^_^

can u feel it now?

2009-07-22T11:01:00.002+08:00

i was scolded because it hurt him so much that he loses his focus and concentration in studying...
i'm sorry...

2 days ago,pip received a msg which sounded like this...

"mulai skrg,kte dh tkde pape, kau jgn carik aku lg... slame ni,kau byk susahkn aku,Bnci! prgi kau dan lupekn aku.. aku dh byk trseksa psl kau, kau mmg tak gune! kau igt ,stiap ari aku lyn kau, mknenye aku suke kau? tak ah! aku uat sume ni bkn ngn rela hati,tp trpkse.. prgi ah kau, aku tknk kau lg,tlg ah prgi... trm ksh ats jasa kau slame ni... SLMT TNGGL WAHAi!!! DIET..."

and i received it from Sakinah yesterday... so i just thought of sending it to my loved ones...
-Mnueerah
-Diela
-Afiq
and... him.

i didn't mean to make a prank... just wanted to send this to them without any intention... tkde trfkr nk buat dorng trkejut,atau nk main2kn dorang,ataupun nk mainkn hati org... jauh skali... i forgot... i forgot something which is very important about him and so... i got a scolding...

can u feel it now? it hurts so much that u can't do anything right? so do i... it's not revenge... i have never thought about it even once... when i think back, it's only twice... it's only a subject... but can u ever imagine? since that particular day, even when i focus or concentrate, whatever that reached my mind will be gone after i step out of class... it will be gone right after i close the books... i can't remember anything that i really really have to study last minute in order to answer the test... u are very lucky... so lucky... but i can't remember until now... until now and i really mean it... can u feel it now?

i don't want u to be like me... i don't want u to face any hardships like i am right now... it'll affect u deeply... not just ur heart,but u'll get affected physically... just like me... i don't want u to feel it... but u're feeling it now... i'm sorry... i didn't mean to... i really am sorry... pls forgive me... i'll make sure i won't do it again. Ever. i'll make sure of it... so pls... forgive me...

Syirul masuk hospital lg smlm... ambk darah. but as usual,the doctor said i'm fine... i wonder why i keep getting sick... it's a test from Allah i guess... so i have to be strong... ne? sakit tau ambk darah... mcm nk pengsan je rase bile nmpk die kluarkn darah Syirul tu... sakit sgt3... tp ok lh skrg ni...
midterm usul fiqh? 17/25... Alhamdulillah... syirul tk mnghrp lbh pun sbb Syirul slh... tu yg slayaknye Syirul dpt...k then... that's that...

May Allah bless u all with taufiq wan najah... Ameen...

p/s: -unintentionally, we always hurt the one we love the most...
-tanpe niat dan tanpe sdr, kte slalu sakitkn hati org yg paling kte syg...

what's going on?

2009-07-21T19:04:00.004+08:00

kul 8 nnt ade midterm usul fiqh tp tgh post blog skrg ni... =p sesuke hati je Syirul ni...
so... smlm tgk Hanakimi... dh lame eh crite tu tp baru dpt tgk sbb sakinah ambk dr athena... best sgt3... as usual,learn a lot from it... dr ktw2, terus jd org pikiran...hmm...

hbskn novel Hijab Sang Pencinta padahal org patutnye bljr usul fiqh... teruk kn? best crite tu... perfect ending for a perfect beginning... nice story,Ramlee Awang Mursyid... thumbs up! ^_^

had a talk with Pip mase gi Petronas... talking while having a nice drink of Soya Bean Milk...huhu... kesian kt kwn2 Syirul... sori sgt3... Syirul tk brmaksud nk buat korng risau... serious... i apologise to all of u...

sakinah is down with fever tp doctor tu ckp die tk pape... yeah right... doctor2 skrg ni, tu je lah yg dorng tau ckp kot... yesterday Syirul gi klinik,kak Sheila ngn kak Hawa hntr... my back is aching...and i really mean ACHING... until now... doctor tu rase2 blkng Syirul lps tu ckp...

"no mucle straining,no muscle swelling so it's fine..." yeah yeah yeah... bile pip nk ckp,die kate...
"no no no... die ok..."
so i told her lah yg Syirul prnh jatuh mase sem 1 tp die kate tkde kait mengait sbb dh lame jd... well Hello! Syirul dh rase sakit2 sejak jatuh mcm nangka busuk tu lg k... just that i thought it was normal until extival... 3 hari sakit sgt3... nk brdiri lame,jln btl2 pun susah. nk kene duduk byk... tkde pape tp bg Syirul mcm2 ubat saraf... cup! pape lah...

an endurance test for me again and again... utk ENCIK NAKAL... i know i know... u don't have to remind me always that u're gone... i'm moving on, alright? tp sakit2 tu tk blh hilang k... asal kn? bkn sakit hati tp physically sakit... (by the way, ni bkn pakse ok... I'M STATING THE TRUTH!)can anyone PLS tell me why i'm always sick and not feeling well bile die tkde eh... ya Allah... doa Syirul trmakbul ke? tp dlm doa tu kn jodoh Syirul... dlm otak... tuuut........... that's it! sejak bende ni jd lh... i can't remember anything properly... mkn mcm biase pun kaki menggigil... cukup rht pun,mate nk trtutup and rase nk rebah... why i'm like this?

ya Allah... hny kpdMU aku brlindung... hny ENGKAU yg mengetahui sgale2nye... maka berilh petunjuk buatku yg lemah ini... sesungguhnya, ENGKAU lh Pencipta Hati Nuraniku... Pemilik Nyawa dan Prasaanku... tunjukknlh kebenaran.. dia kah? seandainya dia, maka aku amat brsyukur krn tdk mahu aku mnjd seorg istri yg mengingati dan menyayangi lelaki slain suaminya... aku brmohon kpdMU... ya Rabbul 'Izzah... aku brlindung kpdMU dr sgale kejhtn dan tipu muslihat syaitan... Ameen...Ya Rabbal 'Alamin...

doakn sume ok kat sini k... i have only another a year plus to settle this,i think... pls pls pls...
smoga rahmat Allah sntiase iringi korng sume... Ameen...

p/s: -when someone loses something or someone that is very important to him, he will gradually loses himself...
-bile seseorg kehilangn sesuatu atau seseorg yg sgt penting utknya, maka die akn kehilangn dirinya sndiri...

pls take note

2009-07-09T01:29:00.003+08:00

1st,i have no mood to blog...
2nd,i'm not feeling very well again...
3rd,i must say what i need to say...(although i'm tired of this)

1) to all who have helped me a lot... who have gone through sadness whilst happiness along with me... who have always been by my side... watching, worrying, advising, reminding me... who always regard me as their helper in almost anything... I'M VERY HAPPY THAT ALL OF YOU DID WHAT YOU DID... I TRULY APPRECIATE WHAT YOU DID... AND I'M SORRY IF I DO NOT SHOW MY APPRECIATION IN A CORRECT WAY BUT MAKING ALL OF YOU WORRY AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND FEEL UNAPPRECIATED... I'M ABSOLUTELY SORRY... maybe, he is right after all... that i don't appreciate those who love me and those who are with me through my thick and thin... maybe he's right... it's just that, something i dislike may be something you want me to do... and i'm sorry for not listening to all of you... thinking again, i may not be able to express my appreciation through action or words... it's my weakness and i apologise if this has caused anyone to be uneasy... i really DO love all of you... THANK YOU...

2) for my soulmate... i really hopre that some sense will be knocked into you for you to get on your feet and start doing something... ade seseorg ckp, awk duduk dan ikut saja ape yg ditakdirkn utk awk tanpe buat ape2... saye tau awk akn kate..."YE...SAYE MCM TU..."
utk kesekian kali, knp msti mengaku tanpe ade kesdrn utk lakukn ape2? igt lh...
"Allah tkkn merubah nasib seseorg selg org tu tk brusaha utk mengubah nasibnya..." btl kn? saye tk blh nk kate ape sbb saye pun sygkn mk dan bpk saye... saye dgr dan ikut ckp dorng... mcm tu jgk awk... tp saye cube wlaupun saye takut... wlaupun usaha saye tkkn mengubah pape,tp saye tetap nk cube... sbb saye btl2 nak... sbb ni lh impian saye... byk yg awk dh buat, saye tknk mntk pape lg dr sape2 pun... sbb saye dh cukup menyusahkn... igt tk mase nk masuk klas arab? awk takut,tp awk masuk jgk... saye? saye yg tk masuk... klaupun bkn saye,tkkn awk nk buat mcm ni kt org lain? saye tknk org lain trm ape yg saye trm... saye fhm dh... saye fhm sgt3... awk tk prlu ckp pape pun... sbb saye tau sbnrnye ape yg tgh trjd... tp saye tknk awk menyesal... dan saye tknk saye sndiri menyesal... mane lh tau, tibe2,saye tkde slama2nya, tkkn baru mase tu, awk baru nk sdr mcm yg prnh jd dulu? igt ape saye prnh kate?
-kebranian
-kesungguhan
-ksh syg
ni lh penyebab utama yg buat kte smakin nk sesuatu dan brusaha lg dan lg dan lg...smpai kte brjy...
saye tk prnh mntk pape lps ape yg dh jd... tk prnh... sbb saye tk layak nk mntk lbh byk lg dr ape yg saye dh ade... saye tkt, saye sedih bile tk dpt ape saye mntkkn... sbb tu, saye tk brani...
utk belahan jiwa saye ni... saye doakn,awk sdr dan timbul kebranian satu hari nnt dan nmpk kesungguhan plk...jgn mengaku atau mntk maaf brulng2 kali tanpe buat ape2 atau tanpe mncube... tk gune... brckp lbh senang dr melakukan... tp klau kte tk buat,smpai bile angn2 tu akn trsmpn? angn2,jdkn cita2... insyaAllah blh jd kenyataan... sdr ye...buat lh sesuatu... bkn utk saye... tp utk awk,dan mase dpn awk...smoga Allah nmpkkn awk ape yg saye mksudkn... Ameen...

utk smua org yg knl ana,trmasuk awk,belahan jiwa saye... trm ksh sgt3... Syirul tau,Syirul byk trhutang budi... bkn dgn korng je... tp ade lbh rmai lg... Syirul btl tak tau nk bls tu smua mcm mane... Syirul tk tau... i really don't... maafkn ana... i'll try my best again... Syirul akn cube... sekurng2nye skali... Syirul jd penybab korng trsenyum seikhlas hati... trm ksh sgt3... THANK YOU... THANK YOU VERY MUCH TO ALL...

i'm going back to KUIS tomorrow... doakn Syirul,Muneerah ngn Rafidah slmt prgi dan slmt smpai k...

to my lovely Diela, my dearest friend Afiq, and my adorable Abu... Syirul ngn Muneerah rindu sgt kt korng... korng lh yg slalu lyn kte wlaupun kerenah kte mcm2 kn... hope to see you guys soon... mcm2 nk ckp kt korng... Syirul nk ckp mcm2 sgt... jumpe Jumaat ni tau tau tau... insyaAllah...

tu je... i'll update more,insyaAllah... C ya!

since that incident...

2009-07-07T21:27:00.003+08:00

*my head is hurting

*my heart is painful

*i feel like vomiting

*i just want to sleep

aku ade harga diri!

2009-07-07T17:05:00.008+08:00

sanggup ke kte merendah2kn maruah seseorg dgn kate2 ataupun prbuatan? tny diri sndiri.. sanggup ke?

-kdg2 dlm tk sdr,kte trbuat mcm tu... sbb kemrhn yg kte rase,kesedihan yg kte alami, dan kte tknk slhkn diri sndiri... at last,kte tuding jari kat org tu dan kate yg die yg nk smua ni brlaku... krn die kte nangis,sbb die kte kecewa... jgn slhkn diri kte, you brought it upon urself! kau adlh penybab kpd ape yg dh trjd pd diri kau skrg ni... tega ke kte buat org yg kte knl dan syg sepenuh hati mcm tu? cume sbb kte nk lindung diri kte sndiri dr rase sakit yg lbh menyeksakn dr sakit yg blh dilht... nk lindung keslhn kte smata2 tknk tanggung sakit tu seorg diri...

-> tk adil sgt3...

-mcm mane plk bile slama ni kte syg org tu,kte sanggup tlg die sbb die btl2 susah, dan die cume blh mntk tlg kte sbb kte mampu... akhrnye,sbb bosan mungkin die slalu sgt mntk tlg kte,kte buat endah tak endah.. sdgkn,bile die tk mntk tlg pun,kte nk tlg... tp tu dulu... skt2,mntk tlg kte... dlm tk sdr mungkin, kte tk lyn die... walhal,die tk slh pape,tk mntk tlg kte lg pun... tp sbb kte dh bosan,tknk die mntk tlg lg,kte jauhkn diri dr die... buat mcm seolah2 die tkde harga diri dan slalu mntk2...

-> mmg kejam...

dgr lh... stiap manusia ade harga diri.. knp msti slhkn org lain slalu? sdgkn kte sndiri brslh... cari slh kte, btlkn ape yg tk kena... tegur die dan cube btlkn smua same2... bkn biarkn die trkapai2 trfkr2 mane slhnye yg sbnr... die je ke slh? kte tk? knp tk blh buat same2... knp tk tetap pndirian? knp nk slamatkn diri sorng? tk syg ke kat die lg? sdgkn slama ni,kte yg slalu ade ngn die, susah ataupun senang... tk blh ke prtahankn same2? DIE ADE MARUAH DAN HARGA DIRI... bkn KEEGOAN yg akn trhapus satu hari nnt... kte ade hak kte utk dpt ape yg kte prlukan... knp msti bile senang,kte sntiase ade... bile susah yg dh tk nmpk jln kluar,smuanye die yg tanggung? kt sini...
KAU YG PIJAK MARUAH DIRI KAU SNDIRI...

jd tlg lh... seorg manusia bkn pape tanpe harga dirinya... jgn pijak maruah org lain... aku pun ade maruah! jgn rendahkn... aku tkkn menagih atau merayu... sbb aku ade hrga diri... dan jgn perkotak-katikkan org lain, kau tk sdr... satu hari nnt bile kau tkde sape2..mungkin die lh yg akn ade dgn kau...wlaupun die tkde harta yg byk mcm kau...

*harta yg hilang blh dicari, rezeki yg sdkt Allah blh beri...
tp ksh syg yg dh hilang,maruah yg dh trcalar, tk semudah tu kte blh cari lg... tk sesenang tu kte blh raih smua kembali...jd,bila dh ade ksh syg dan maruah dlm genggaman,jg dan lindunginya... bkn kte punya je.. tp org lain jgk... klau dh hilang, tkkn blh didapati dr gaji atau usaha yg blh dilht, tp cume doa dan hrpn yg blh kembalikan 2 prkr yg tramat penting ni...

-kata2 dr seorg yg punya maruah dan yg mudah menyayang-

back to hometown~!!

2009-07-06T21:46:00.005+08:00

after wondering whether we can step into our own home again or not this sem holiday because of H1N1, ustaz subari gave us 2 options either to go back home or not... AND OF COURSE! IT'S WONDERFUL TO BE BACK HOME!!! YIPPIE!!! ^_^

i sneezed and ustaz subari said... ha! tk blh balik.. H1N1... isy ustaz ni... Nauzubillah sey...

went to Alsagoff for its 100 years birthday... hihi... i'm really thankful that i finally can attend the majlis... huhu... serious.. ade nasi briyani,ade muadz... wow! it's marvellous... congrats Alsagoff...
like what cikgu Abbas said...
"no one who is born today get to see 100 years to come..."
come to think of it... some can... hihi.. but he's correct after all... Alhamdulillah...

Abu told me their programme in Dakwah is a success... congrats to you guys ok... mcm mane lh programme dakwah kte ni minggu dpn... mntk2 ok... Ameen... pls pls pls let it be fine... -_-

so many things have happenend in KUIS and in Spore... mcm biase sem ni,nk balik sini brt hati,nk balik sane pun brt hati... isy isy isy... amat tk suke ye...
and finally Alhamdulillah... me and Muneer are already getting along with our classmates! me? adk bongsu eh... Azri abg Long... hikhik...

hmm... ape lg eh? ha! nk bli baju protokol utk extival,nk bli blazer... wednesday ni nk jumpe Muneer utk programme dakwah... tp thursday ni nk balik KUIS dh... alaaaaah.... mcm2 nye... holiday work lg... sblm ustaz Husni trsyg mengeluarkn kate2 yg 'amat indah digr',lbh baik Syirul hbskn krj die...

k2... kak Yu nk pkai ni... pape, i'll update again... signing out... ^_^

-Syirulhuda-

born again!

2009-06-27T14:47:00.003+08:00

yippie....!!!!!!!!!! it's been so long bloggy!!! miss you miss you miss you! hihi...
hye to all! ^_^ it's been some time since the last time i updated me blog... thinking of changing the skin but there seems to be some problem with the wireless no? if only there's broadband... and thnks much much much to Feesa for lending me her laptop.. thnks cutie pony..

guess what? i was born again! huhu... just kidding... but seriously,i feel like this since i went to Kulai after so much of obstacles...had to wait for 3WEEKS to get my passport back... broke down a few times... *klau aku jht,kene org yg hntr pasport to ngn aku...* at last,bpk call,baru die bg... that night itself,my parents with cik Yah and wak Cob fetched me... thought of going to Kulai that night but then again... it was late at night so i just didn't want to trouble anybody anymore...

*ALL THESE HAPPENED LAST WEEK*

so on Monday, we went to Malaysia early in the morning and finally... FINALLY... after going through the hurdles and obstacles,i met this person and i love that day...

*it's hard to tell what happened there so just let me keep to myself*

but... something so simple had happened and the effect is greater than any of the things that had occured to me... i want to go there again and i'll make sure i will... tho good thing is, mom and dad love the place too... also cik Yah and wak Cob.. it's a relief... i'll just let you know one thing.

*the place is very near to my family's 'story'*

but that'story' is a secret too... so i have to syyy... ^_^ thnks a lot and a lot and a lot to my very special someone... it has something to do with him and that's what i want to tell...

he: _ _ _ tu belahan jiwa die... sbb tu klau _ _ _ tkde die dh cari kt mane _ _ _ btl tk?

i was like... tuuuuuuuut... dlm hati... mane die tau aku mcm ni...
and everyone was like trnganga sbb die serious ckp mcm tu. mk mcm "eh...!"
and he...

he: btl... _ _ _ tu bdk baik. knl die dr kck lg... handsome tk die?

and i was like dh brpeluh2... jantung pun dh DAP DUP DAP DUP...
i just smiled and laugh.. what did you expect me to say?

i just want to go there again... just I'M VERY SORRY that i can't tell in detail... i don't know why... just like this someone said,it's hard to believe... yes. it's not easy to believe... but i just believe and it happened... i'm ok now... i really am ok now... believe it or not...

maybe certain people will say...

-btl ke?
-kene hati2 nnt 'die' dtg lg...
-btl ni dh sht?

YES I AM...

that thing is still in this world but not in me... yes maybe it will come back that's why i need to go there again... it's not finish yet... just suplicate for me ok? that's more than enough... ^_^

for u guys that have been worrying and helping me...

i love you and thank you... i am fine now... insyaAllah... Ameen... ^_^

so that's that... lpr gile ni... nk mkn... pip ngn KIna dh pnggl2... i'll try to update more soon... there's so much to tell so c ya!

-Syirulhuda-

aduhai...

2009-06-10T16:00:00.003+08:00

soo... what? hmmm... after reading kak ayu's blog,i forgot to say something especially to Afiq,Muzakkir and you Abu... klau awk bace lah... hihi...

lots of thanks and many sorries are not going to repay all of you... but still... i'm going to say these thanks and sorries...
Terima kasih dan sorry sgt3... thnks Afiq sbb dh 2 kali drivekn Syirul gi hospital when i was struggling to breathe... thanks to Muzakkir sbb tlg hntr kak Ayu balik dan hntr Syirul gi hospital...
and Abu... thnks sbb cari org yg tau gi hospital serdang dan pecut motor tu utk smpai ke org tu dan trm ksh sbb ikut. klau tkde ni 3 mase due kali tu,wallahualam ape jd...
actually,i was very aware of what happenened and what all of you did those nights... just tak blh nk kate ape sbb keadaan yg tk mengizinkn...

and sorry... sorry sgt3 sbb susahkn korng 3 ni yg baik hati sgt3... wlaupun tgh ade krj,tp tetap ade... specially for you... thnks for ur concern... it means a lot to me...

so... ape jd 2 mlm ni? TERUK. tu je 1 word yg blh describe. tp mcm yg kte tau,sume kesusahan adlh ujian dan dugaan wlaupun sbnrnye tu satu nikmat. kpd semua yg tk trsebut name2 especially my spore friends,yg duk serumah dan yg kt dpn tu.. my msia friends yg turut mengambil brt dan kakak2 tryg yg sntiasa ambk tau perkmbangn Syirul dan mmbantu,THANK YOU... klau blh balas kebaikan korng,Syirul akn balas. tp Allah lbh mengetahui dan smoga korng semua ni mndpt kebaikan yg sebaik2nya.. Ameen...

now... nope. just couldn't get my passport and so i have to wait until next week... just pray that i can hold on for another week and to not collapse again and again... to gather all my strength so that i'll keep myself safe... it's hard but i'm going to do it now and then..

td kluar je dr korporat,i burst into tears while calling mom as i broke down for having so much problems that are unsettled still... poor Muneer... tgh nangis2 tu,die tgh pujuk,sempat lah beberapa manusia yg knl die menegur... nsb baik lps tu hbs nangis. then trserempak 'ayah' a.k.a. abg Hafiz Hafifi yg trsgt slalu merisaukn daku... almk... kene klentong skt ni ckp pnt pdhl nangis.. huhu... tp mmg pnt pun tau. tk tipu tu... tak2... mane ade kn3...

then tgh crite2 ngn Afifah kt rmh... my phone rang so i took the call... bdk ni dh lh ckp skt nye kasar kn... tp dgr suare die je blh jd sedih sbb tgh sedih...jd...
tresak2 lh aku menangis... si die yg tgh brckp dgn penuh kekasaran ni tibe2 je...

"yul... yul... knp nangis ni..." (out of concern nye suare)

mase tu... nk ktw je tp kesedihan mengatasi sgale2nye... huhu... thnks for ur concern k... i appreciate it a lot...

thnks thnks thnks to this someone... mungkin ape jd skrg ni tak mnjamin pape... but no one knos what is in store in HIS hands for us... mane lah tau... mane lah tau je...

so that's that... going to c ya soon alright? signing out... ^_^

what is LIFE?

2009-06-04T15:01:00.003+08:00

KEHIDUPAN...
mcm yg Syirul slalu kena buat... letak telapak tangan kat dada, tutup mata, senyap, rasa denyutan jantung kte dan fkr...
APA TU KEHIDUPAN?

hidup Syirul msh blm cukup utk Syirul jwb soalan tu... trlbh lg sbgi remaja... Syirul tk tau jwpn kpd soalan yg Syirul sndiri tny diri sndiri dan org lain... sbb Syirul msh cari lg siapa Syirulhuda yg sbnr... btl tk?

i read my diary... everything was so lovely... my new life, my new chapter of novel, it's so beautiful that i nearly cried...

but days went by,and came that stories of miseries... sedih sgt bile kte bace kehidupan kte yg lalu, penuh dgn senyuman,kgmbiraan, suddenly... OUT OF SUDDEN... BOOM! change... change until now...

prnh tk rase... rindu pd kehidupan lama kte? you know... when i was able to smile or laugh and i meant it when i did it... but now... stiap kali senyum atau ktw... FAKE. that's the only word that can describe my feelings,my situation. -_-

so what's going to happen? no real smile, no meaning laughter... just FAKE ONES...
how despicable... how pathetic...

you must be bored... reading these kind of stuff... about miseries and all... tringin sgt nk Syirul yg dulu.. serious... Syirul dh pnt sgt... i must do something about it now... and i mean... MUST.

smlm dan beberapa ari sblm ni... Syirul kene lg... yes yes i know... i can't cry now... even now,when i'm typing,i'm shivering... tp tk tau knp... Syirulhuda teruk sgt skrg ni... teruk sgt3... pls can i live my life properly...

ya Allah... tlglh... andai ade seseorg yg KAU utuskn utk membantuku,maka biarlah dia muncul skrg... waktu ini... saat ini dan aku sedar akn kehadirannya... ya Allah... hny KAU yg blh mengubah semuanya... hny KAU ya Rabb... maka bantulh aku... pls... someone... help... ya Allah... aku kehilangn satu persatu krn ini shj... aku kehilangn cukup byk ya Allah... mungkin krn aku trlalu byk mlakukn dosa... ampunkn aku... aku mrayu... ampunkn aku...kembalikn aku yg dulu ya Allah.. aku yg mampu trsenyum dan ktw riang... yg menyayangi semua yg aku ada... yg mnghargai sgala2nya... aku yg dulu...
aku mohon ya Rahim...

kembalikan aku...

hey!!!

2009-05-29T13:40:00.002+08:00

okay... what's with the sudden 'naqibah' thing when i'm not supposed to be in it? it's all his fault cause he thought about it... >_<, it's all because of him him him...!

man... i was frozen shocked when i saw my name ias written nicely and clearly on that noticeboard...

0813002 Syirulhuda Bt Ahmad Penasihat: Ustazah............(secret)
Tempat: 2229 (enth Bt atau Bs)

oh wow... really very obviously my name... and his name is right there too... when i told him,he was surprised too but this thing once strucked him before and so... I POINT MY FINGER TO HIM!
the thing is.. naqibah sey... ade ayat "tak layak" pusing2 around my head... and what i'm going to say with those new students? i've no idea cause following right by the book is totally boring.. you need to discuss in a usrah... understand? it's my opinion by the way... that's why i'm like... *tuuuuuut

i've been busy with Muneer editing the proposal here and there, running everywhere just to meet up with Afiq and abu bacause of lajnah's programme... it's the first one that Afiq has to handle and he's been quite busy not just with lajnah thing... poor him... and pity Abu too as he's been very hardworking,helping Afiq and all... and i've been with Muneer...
once we step into campus,there's no way of getting out except we finish our tasks fot that day... it's hard but i've gained much experience for future insyaAllah...

poor Muneer... she's having her hard time too... it's ok Muneer... i'm here with you... ganbatte!!!

and now i'm sitting with mind full of kotor tk blkng... mcm tgh tk slesa kn...
Sakinah bg kunci td but now she's stuck at the living room as she can't enter our room because her keys are with me... huhuhu... kesian Sakinah... nk balik tp tk blh... i can't leave muneer... helping he i smy job... but poor Sakinah too...
why did i forget to take my keys at the first place...? sorry sgt3...

okay... that's all i think... and i'm kind of pusing2 kepala fkr byk secretary's things to think of... yg herannye,sume secretary ok... wow... Allah really granted me my wish... Alhamdulillah... thnk you Allah... ^_^

okay... that's for now... signing out...

tajuk ape ye nk bg...?

2009-05-23T15:18:00.003+08:00

okay...! first of all and all and all...
SO SORRY SBB DH LAME TK UPDATE BLOG... SORRY MY BLOGGY! huhu...

ok... things are getting better at my side... although it's hard but life is life....
ade yg kate...

"hidup ni mcm basikal... klau nk basikal tu gerak,kena lah kayuh..."
dan...
"hidup kt KUIS plk mcm berenang kt tgh lautan... nk patah balik dh jauh,jd kena teruskn jgk... jd,doa dan brtawakkal agar smpai ke tmpt yg ingin dituju..."

thnks to Fida sbb bgtau ana due2 ni smlm... and thnks to that someone sbb bgtau mase Fida ade dan Fida dpt pass kt Syirul... ^_^

seminggu yg lalu?? TOUGH but FUN! ta'arruf mmg fun tp pd Syirul lh... mmg mase Syirul ta'arruf lg fun sbb mase tu Syirul tk buat krj,Syirul jd student mase tu... hikhik... tp skrg,i'm one of the facilitator utk biro kebajikan... syg biro kebajikan...

thnks to abg Hafiz,kak Teha,Wan,Naim,Along dan Mukhlis... thnks also to kak Adah,kak Su,kak Dijah,kak Seha,kak Nisa,kak Niki,my lovely pony,NAFEESAH and the most loveable kak Jamilah... ^_^ saayang korng sume... sbb byk tunjuk ajr Syirul dlm buat krj dan jd petunjuk yg baik bg Syirul...

to abg Hafiz... thnks sgt sbb ambk Syirul jd facilitator utk biro kebajikan sbb tu adlh satu peluang bg Syirul utk lbh mengenali manusia,rgam-ragam nya,yg mane buat Syirul lbh mengenali diri Syirul sndiri dan mmberi pengalamn yg amat brguna... thnk u so much... ^_^

jadual tk kluar lg so bile tgk yg lain sibuk sane sini gi klas mcm jealous giller giller giller gitu... tp ade jgk prasaan tknk prgi klas lngsung... adelh knp... syy... hihi... tk sbr nye nk mule bljr.. nk mule ade byk assignment... no more last minute assignment k Syirul... igt tu baik2...

haila haila... kdg2 utk certain things yg Syirul amat tknk igt,Syirul hrp Syirul dpt amnesia utk prkr tu... so i'll be able to move on dgn senyuman yg bermakna... bkn dgn senyuman yg trpaksa dan tdk memaksudknnya... i miss MOM & DAD... nk sgt balik Spore jumpe mk dan bpk... tp mslhnye,bile dh balik Spore,jgn hrp lh nk nmpk Syirul balik KUIS lg... hihi... jht btl aku ni...

ok... byk nye lh aku nk update... enth org bace atau tdk... huhu...

i collapsed again... biase lah... Syirul ni kn sensitive giller... bkn Syirul yg sensitive actually... pnt lh... pnt sgt tau... sbb prkr ni,sbb bende ni,byk yg Syirul kehilangn... tp... Syirul... jgn mengeluh k... sume yg trjd ade hikmahnye... and so... Syirul nk kene jgk prgi brubat dan trs brubat smpai Syirul sht dan brsih mcm satu waktu dulu... Ameen... pls pls pls... doakn lh ade jln utk Syirul prgi brubat... Ya Allah... tlg lh... please...

ok... that's that for now... ^_^
may Allah be with all of you readers always and forever... Ameen...

hard time eh...

2009-05-12T15:59:00.003+08:00

ok... how do i start... tomorrow we're going to register ourselves at KUIS.... akhrnye... Alhamdulillah.. after menempuhi dugaan2 yg melanda... (mcm btl jek...) kte brjy jgk jejakkn kaki di RMH LAME KTE!!!!!!!! YAY FOR US!!!!! WOOHOO!!!! huhu...

merepek kn... tp tu lh yg Syirul rase... lega sgt3... amat lega yg tramat... thnks to the MT of ta'arruf yg settlekn benda ni sdkt sebyk... thnk u so much... everything is still the same in that house of ours... just have this distant feeling but i don't know why and what causes me to feel like this...

have i told you? i CRIED FOR THE FIRST TIME when mom and dad sent me here... i just feel like i want to go back to Spore and i don't want to return here ever again... FOR THE FIRST TIME, Syirulhuda is actually feeling like that! how amazing... hihi...

it's just that everything is different yet they all look the same... it's like it's not my place and i'm not supposed to be here... it's a very weird feeling for me... i actually don't feel happy at all coming back to KUIS... i've never felt like this before... it's annoying as i have always been happy evry time i'm back here... i can still study and look upon my future with head held high... but this semester is very unnatural... u understand? i hate this... i hate feelings that make me uneasy with myself...

i always look at the mirror before i go out... bile tgk crmin tu,senyum lh kn... it's FAKE... bkn senyum je fake... sume kt sini fake... sume dlm dunia ni fake... sumenye penipuan... there's no hapiness at all... every way i turned to,and where ever i looked at,it's all 'not-my-place'... it's all dark and false and fake and no smiles... just people crying bitterly,finding fault with fate... just some people who know not the meaning of happiness... am i starting to be one of them? i think so...

Jgn Tipu Diri Sendiri... Seolah2 Menipu ILLAHI... Seakan2 Menidakkan Takdir Yang Dah Tertulis Untuk Insani...

tp bkn ke Syirul tgh mcm tu? knp? it's my little secret if i find out...

Takdir Yang Baik Memang Sudah Tertulis Sebelum Kita Melakukan Kebaikan Itu...
Tetapi Takdir Yang Tidak Baik,Tidak Akan Tertulis Selagi Kita Belum Melakukan Kejahatan Itu... Ini Kerana,ALLAH Sangat Sayang Kepada Kita... Di Mana Inilah Waktunya Untuk Kita Membezakan Haiwan Dan Manusia... Dan Yang Membezakan Antara Dua Makhluk Ini Ialah AKAL FIKIRAN...

kasar sangat ke bahasa2 ni? tapi rasanya... tu lah kenyataan... betul tak?

Sorry klau Syirul trgunakan bahasa yang kasar atau buat sape2 tak selesa dgn apa yg Syirul dh tulis ni... maaf sgt3... akhr kate,Ta'arruf mmg memenatkan... -_-

-Syirulhuda-

a day in KUIS

2009-05-04T22:50:00.004+08:00

the thought of coming back to KUIS excites me... yeah... so excited that i didn't even think about any hardships that were to come.. (man... has my english gone frm bad to worse?) -_-"

my parents sent me back to KUIS after 3 days in Selangor... waited for Ju and Sakinah to come to join me as i knew that they will be coming back today,i just waited for them to arrive so that we can search for an unlocked room together to stay for induction this week... so... we have to stay in the old hostel as the new one is on some renovation process or something like that...

so the 2 girls had not eaten anything yet... sakinah had to go for meeting straight after she arrived... while Ju and I had to struggle taking the luggages upstairs to the 4th floor... (and i mean... really by STAIRS... STAIRS...) man... so exhausted but we still went to campus to attend a programme after solat in Azhar mosque...

that's one thing... the particular night was really a disaster for us... a real TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, MISERABLE night for us...

we went out after isya' thinking that the cafe was open so we can grab a bite there... but... it was closed so we walked down to the gate to see if there're any 'prebet' we can take a ride from... but we ended up sitting outside the gate looking at the cars passing by us... i had never imagined that i would get 'stranded' there in a state of hunger and waiting for something that is never to come... irritated,i called my dad and asked him to pick me up and take me back to Spore... and i'm DEAD SERIOUS... a test... just a test from Allah and i am already like this...

feeling worried,my dad called kak Ayu and coincidentally,she was outside to buy food so she bought us food and we ate at last... it was really a relief. i am always like this... taking others' help would make me cry... but Alhamdulillah... this is what we call... "arrizqu minas sama'".. huhu...

i am waiting impatiently for my room and my not-so-cosy bed... it's better than here... far more better... this hostel really need to be cleaned... SERIOUS...

so friends that are coming tomorrow... just be patient with the situation when you get here tomorrow ok... gd luck... ^_^

Ya Allah... prmudahknlh prjlnn kami... ikhlaskn lh hati kami menempuhi dugaan2 ini... Ameen...

starting all over again

2009-04-22T13:06:00.003+08:00

ok... here it goes... for my lovely friends who are really worried about me,and are questioning why i seem very slanted to 'love'... ^_^
i am very sorry
i'm ok... just that i was reminded of a conversation with a friend of mine which took place not too long time ago...
as true as it is.. we can't live without men... and yes... we are nothing without men.. (just think of your father at the very least,ok...)
so i was kind of tounge-tied when they said it's hard to live without having boyfriends... just friends i think that's what they meant...
as for this truly yours... we grew up in an environment of girlfriends so for me, not having boyfriends is not a big issue to begin with...

it's not my right to say...
u're not supposed to go out with him... or
u can't do this...
obviously,i'm not in a position where i could order people according to what i feel and what i think... but a piece of advice from me,although i don't know if i have the right to say this out as i have boyfriends too but my classmates and i'm kind of close with them... but not being around them doesn't mean,i can't live and life is boring... it's a big NO NO...so here was what i said...or something like what i'm going to write... the meaning is the same... i just want to share...

"kita boleh berkawan dengan lelaki tapi untuk sebab yang munasabah... kalau kita ada perasaan kat semua kawan lelaki kita,tu bukan sesuatu yang baik... hidup ni takkan jadi bosan kalau tak berkawan dengan lelaki... hidup bukan hanya tentang perasaan antara lelaki dan perempuan,hidup bukan hanya tentang ni... dan kalau berkawan dengan lelaki tanpa sebab,akan bawa kepada sesuatu yang tak baik,lebih baik kita jauhkan diri..."

u get what i mean? it's not that i know what life has in stored for me, or i know what life is about... i am still a kid and an immature teen so there's still a lot to learn... but i believe that life is a journey so we have to keep walking in order to live and survive... maybe this opinion of mine is not true after all.. but that's what i believe... i realize that life is not all about what happen between a boy and a girl... it's not just about what they feel... there's much more than that...

Syirul tak lah baik sgt... no one knows the truth,how much happiness and sadness there is in me... tp tu biasa lah kan? kalau selalu ketawa,kita akan rasa tak lengkap... dan kalau selalu nangis, kita akan rasa terlalu penat dan bosan... kena ada manis dan masin dan masam... hidup kena ada perisa tau.. ^_^ if u get what i mean...

so that is why i posted what i posted... it's not all about me, you know? there's always a reason behind anything and everything... u get it? ^_^

so that's that... hope all of you will gain somthing from this... so may the blessings of Allah is always with you... Ameen... ^_^

quotes of love songs

2009-04-19T19:16:00.005+08:00

"Ya Allah...jika ditakdirkn sekeping hati ku akn dimiliki seorg lelaki yg Kau ciptakn utkku sandarkn kasihku pdnya...jgnlh trltk kasihku pd lelaki2 lain selainnya...wahai Pencipta hati nurani...jika ditakdirkn aku mengasihi seorg lelaki...izinknlh lelaki itu mnjd org yg semmgnya utk kasihku...jauhilh aku dr menyayangi seorg lelaki yg bkn Kau takdirkn utkku...Ameen..."

"Ya Allah... jika dia benar untukku,dekatkanlah hatinya dengan hatiku...

jika dia bukan milikku,damaikanlah hatiku dengan ketentuanMU..."

"Jauh di sudut hati,aku masih bermimpi,mimpi yang indah... esok kau kembali...

jauh di sudut hati,ada waktu-waktunya,aku berdoa kau pulang semula..."

stiap manusia ada sekeping hati dan dari situ kita akn rasa... sedih,gembira yang mana boleh buat kte nangis ataupun senyum dan ktw... mcm tu jgk prasaan ksh syg dan cinta... psl ni.. ada yg akn brselisihan pndpt sbb ia adlh satu prkr yg luas... fhm dgn makna luas?

cinta hakiki,abadi,kekal hny utk Illahi...Allah satu-satunya... btl.. mcm tu jgk hrpn yg klau diltk pd manusia,kte tentu akn kecewa.. sdgkn klau kte ltk pd Allah hrpn tu,Allah akn beri sgala-galanya yg terbaik hny utk kte... klau kte brcinta sesama manusia pun pasti akn rase sakit dan kecewa kn... tp manusia tk blh lari dr prasaan halus tu sbnrnya...

mcm mana halusnya prasaan tu,halus jgk ia masuk dlm hati kte... bhy? ya... sbb akn mndorong kpd prkr yg bkn2... tp tdk klau kte sdr,Allah sbnrnya kat situ... utk kte... prasaan tu pun wujud krn Allah yg bnrkn... seorg yg igt sume tu...akn sdr...

"Tidak sekali dinodai nafsu... akan ku batasi dengan SyariatMU..."

mcm mana? blh prcy ke? manusia klau dh brcinta,msti nk tunjukkn ksh syg nya... kt situ lh ujian keimanan utk manusia mungkin... klau dh brcinta,nk tunjukkn prasaan tu kt pasangn,nk memiliki dia kn... tp klau tk dpt,msti kecewa sgt3... dan itu ujian lg utk manusia... dpt trm atau tk... dh syg, tk dpt plk... sedih kn... ^_^

utk wanita... mmg hati prmpn lembut,kbnyakan lh... senang dipujuk,senang bila dibelai,apatah lg bila disayangi... mcm ade seseorg beritahu...

"kalau brcinta sbb nk brkahwin,dan pasti tentang tu... teruskn lh... tp kalau brcinta sekadar nak main-main,tak serius,lbh baik jgn teruskn..."

pndpt Syirul lh... btl apa yg org tu ckp.. kalaupun serius,tp kte tahu tk ada guna teruskn,dan kte tahu kte tk blh brsama,lbh baik jgn teruskn... takut hny mengundang dosa... kte tk lari dr jatuh cinta... tp hati-hati lah... kecewa bkn prasaan yg menyenangkn... sbb tu... lbh baik jatuh cinta dgn suami sndiri...

so that's that... just a piece of my mind... ^_^ take care and gd luck k...

full of love

2009-04-19T19:06:00.003+08:00

congrats to my cutie naughty little sister... yay! Alhamdulillah dpt masuk Darul Quran... nnt klau kt sane tibe2 Syirul muncul sorng2 jenguk Nadia jgn trkejut plk yea....^_^ hihi... tahniah,Nadia... smoga jln Nadia sntiase terang dan dimudahkn Allah... Ameen...

cute... isn't she? always cry for her and smile for her... she's great... ^_^ love you...
stay cute and gd aways...

journey of life

2009-04-17T14:00:00.003+08:00

just took a peek at some of my lovely petals's blog,made me realize that everyone is really having a hard time actually.. Allah really loves us,doesn't He,sisters? ^_^ we should be grateful...

i really miss my life back then.. when i was a peaceful Syirulhuda who always smile and laugh and mean it.. when i was struggling to graduate from school to continue my life of seeking knowledge... but i am actually seeking what i've always need.. and seeking that needs a lot of courage... because i have to stand up again and again after falling down and injured myself.. it scarred my heart.. i miss myself when i was just an ordinary girl with dreams of being a gd daughter to her parents... a gd servant to Allah.. a gd wife to her husband and a gd mother for her children.. see? all these are just so simple... simple dreams... but actually... it's harder to achieve.. harder than any dreams...

i'm recovering i think.. i'm standing up slowly because i had a really bad fall twice..
-when i was walking down the path of tests, i fell..
-when i was trying to stand, i fell..
i injured myself and hurt my heart.. it was so bad that i can't stop crying until now... i really nedd to walk properly and carefully this time so i won't fall again.. i got cheated by someone and took that path.. haha..

to all.. just do your best,ok? good times will sure come in our way... just wait for it.. the sacrifices we made and hardships we're going through are worthy enough... just be patient alright? ^_^
haha.. i'm crying again..

and for you,girl full of little secrets... just be strong... she may die,but you're not.. you're still alive so you need to move on.. just keep her memories with you...she'll always be with you,inside you,keeping you safe... it'll be alright.... it will... you'll face everything you need to and just be yourself... love the way you are.. she is already a memory... be strong... ^_^

precious Eddy..

2009-04-15T14:09:00.003+08:00

talking about this precious teddy bear of mine.. last two nights,i wrestled with my daddy all because he took Eddy from me when i was just going to sleep.. he laughed as i really put an effort to get Eddy back.. poor daddy.. i punched him twice.. haha.. but i guess it didn't hurt much.. i was so scared that Eddy's head would fall of his body that i let it go to daddy's hands... but at last, daddy gave it back to me.. he said i looked pitiful while trying to get it back... i guess so.. but i love both daddy and Eddy.. ^_^

well.. at KUIS,my friends would take Eddy and hid it whether in the closet or anywhere else.. Ju would threaten to throw Eddy out of the windows.. haha... i love u,Eddy.. really do.. u're my precious one.. ^_^ tp tk leh lbh2... Syirul yg takut nnt.. hikhik.. here are some pictures of Eddy.. it's not that cute but very comfortable for me to hug and make me sleep soundly..

just being myself..

2009-04-13T18:48:00.003+08:00

first of all.. i just felt like blogging but i really don't know what i'm going to talk about.. looking at people around me makes me realize that they are going through hard times themselves... it's just either they keep it to themselves or share it with others.. but most people will definitely choose to share with others their grieves so that they will feel better.. that's a gd thing for sure as what i heard is most people die because they keep everything to themselves and it's unbearable.. yeah it's right.. not gd for our heart.. but you know.. somethings are meant to be kept and hidden for it's best for all than to speak up..

too busy entertaining my own thoughts and feelings, i forgot to post something about kak Syida..
Congratulations to kak Syida.. may you have the blessings of Allah with you and your husband.. ameen.. and may you lead a gd and happy life with your love.. ^_^

well.. seeing her getting married makes me wonder when i'll be getting married..hihi.. it's hard to find a gd guy nowadays,isn't it true friends? ^_^ well.. we had fun.. we had to wait for the groom to arrive and we had to wait until nearly an hour or more.. i'm not sure.. me,ju and feesa had great time drinking and eating the nata de coco that we were given.. feesa's cup broke she had a hard time eating it.. hihi.. pity her.. and when i open mine... better if i keep it.. i was the clumsiest eater of nata de coco that day.. and thank gdness,nothing happen to ju's.. haha.. it's a great day..

ok fine..hmm.. you see.. i'm having a really hard time with myself.. friends and family.. i just want to keep both in happiness.. i think... obviously, i dislike going out too often and i just go out when i must.. i prefer living inside my house then going out.. and if i'm out, i like to be alone as i will do many hurtful things whether to myself or to others.. i'm very very weak these days but no one knows.. i'm really weak that i just don't have time to even ask or be by others' sides when they need me most.. so i'm sorry to whoever that asked me out and i said no.. i'm sorry to whoever needs me but i'm not there.. see.. i always do wrong things and say unreasonable thoughts of mine without me,myself, realizing it... so i'm really sorry if i've hurt anyone..

i'm sorry if i don't share anything with anyone as i'm used to keep it within me.. i know that some will say it's not a good thing and all but it's me.. i just think it's better this way.. you know.. i'm all right.. just leave me alone for a while and i'll be fine... that's just the way i am.. so please accept this side of me ok.. i just don't want to talk about things that will make me hurt even more.. i need to protect myself.. i'm sorry..
if i think,speaking up will make me better, then rest assured i'll say it out.. so just don't worry ok.. i'm fine..

just a piece of advice.. don't ever sigh or ask..

-why is it that no one understands us when we're trying very hard to understand them?

-why is it that no one pleases us when we're trying very hard to please them?

-why is it that no one knows what we're feeling when we're trying very hard to know what they feel?

-why is it that it's always us pleasing people here and there when they don't even appreciate it?

-why is it always us that do this and do that..

and please.. stop saying..

-i'm the one who always understand..

-i'm the one who always please..

-i'm the one who is trying..

-it's i'm the one and only me..

do you know and do you realize that everyone is trying just the same as you? do you know that they are doing that just for you like you are doing it for them? you don't look around.. you don't see.. do you know that some people are doing what you're doing but they don't ask this and that.. it's because they feel and think it's their responsibility as a human being.. as a servant of Allah..

open your eyes wider and you will see.. you will realize.. that everyone is doing just the same.. it's not only you doing this and that... so never sigh and never ask like that.. maybe it's only some people and not everyone.. is it not appreciative enough? you ought to be thankful always.. because Allah is very kind to us.. Allah always give us what we need but we are not satisfied at all and always complaining.. that's human.. it's natural.. so don't sigh ok.. it is as if you are not thankful with what you have..

during this holiday.. i've been at home.. nothing much for me to learn but it's satisfying enough that i realize many things that i didn't.. so i'm sharing with all of you here.. it's not what others had done.. it's myself that has opened this very eyes with new contact lense.. huhu..

so take what's good and what's bad for you.. saying many things sure is not good.. Astaghfirullah.. may Allah forgives me if i'm spouting nonsense here... so that's that..
^_^

2009-04-12T13:09:00.003+08:00

ni mase gi Langkawi.. kte due and Abu je frm sem 2 yg gi.. luv u,Muneer.. ^_^
btw,Abu tkde dlm gmbr ni..huhu..

^_^ we're in sem 1..tkde klas so gi jln2 around KUIS.. frm P1 that time..

my classmates.. igt lg ni ari Jumaat..huhu.. some of them are not in this pic..

biro mknn kt Seminar kt KUIS.. first time jd AJK.. it was tough.. but we had a great time..

my roommate,kak Su.. thnks for being there all the time..

it's raining.. the clouds are cloudy.. it's cold.. but it's not freezing..

if i'm in KUIS right now, i'm sleeping on my not-so-cosy bed but comfy enough for a girl like me.. oh bed.. wait for me.. hikhik.. i'm missing KUIS badly..
but if i'm there,i'll be missing home terribly.. i love both so i want both.. isy2.. ok.. these are some pics in KUIS.. dh lame gmbr2 ni.. tp nk letak..
ni mase baru2 masuk.. sem 1 and 2.. akn dtg ni.. dh jd senior.. masuk sem 3 plk.. hmm.. life sure is hard.. but everything's going to be fine isn't it? i'm sure it'll be.. i must go on.. walk on the path of truth and move on.. life is after all a journey.. gd luck,Syirul..

2009-04-11T22:23:00.002+08:00

THE VALUE OF A WOMAN:
Beautifully Said..
Be Careful If You Make A Woman Cry.. Because God Counts Her Tears..

A Woman Came Out Of A Man's Rib..
Not From His Feet To Walked On..
Not From His Head To Be Superior Over..
But From His Side To Be Equal..
Under The Arm To Be Protected..
And Next To The Heart To Be Loved..

Nilai Seorang Wanita:
Hati-Hati Jika Kamu Membuat Seorang Wanita Menangis.. Kerana Tuhan Mengira Titisan Air Matanya..

Hawa Diciptakan Dari Tulang Rusuk Adam..
Bukan Dari Kepalanya Untuk Dijadikan Atasnya..
Bukan Juga Dari Kakinya Untuk Dijadikan Alasnya..
Melainkan Dari Sisinya Untuk Dijadikan Teman Hidupnya..
Dekat Pada Lengan Untuk Dilindunginya..
Dan Dekat Di Hati Untuk Dicintainya..

Nilai Seorang Muslimah..
Bukan Terletak Pada Kecantikan, Atau Paras Rupanya..
Tapi Terletak Pada Hati Yang Luhur..
Perasaan Yang Ikhlas..
Iman Dan Taqwanya..

Nilai Seorang Muslim..
Bukan Terletak Pada Keegoan, Atau Nafsu Satu-Satunya..
Tapi Terletak Pada Hati Yang Cekal..
Keadilan Dalam Kepmpinan..
Iman Dan Taqwanya..

lullaby

2009-04-08T15:15:00.002+08:00

sun goes down and we are here together
fireflies glow like a thousand charms..
stay with me and u can dream forever
right here in my arms..tonight..

it's magic when u are here beside me
close ur eyes and let me hold u tight..
everything that u could ever need is
right here in my arms..tonight..

sounds of day..
fade away..
stars begin to climb..
melodies fill the breeze..
sweeter all the time..

*just felt like typing this lullaby lyrics frm barbie..
it's about the mother and daughter.. ^_^
Alhamdulillah.. mkin rmai kwn2 Syirul yg dh buat blog utk tujuan yg baik.. Syirul pun nk buat blog sndiri.. mksudnye nk edit blog sndiri ikut citarasa Syirul,ape yg Syirul nk.. tgk yg lain sume,i'm truly impressed.. congrats girls..

syirul ni tgh sakit kepale.. btl2 sakit.. td mlm baru smpai Spore dr M'sia..
pnt byk menanti dan brjln.. tu je.. Alhamdulillah Nadia's interview went well.. just doakn smoga dia dpt masuk yea.. Ameen..

and like always..i'm confused.. heartache..headache.. brpusing2 dunia ni..
i'm missing KUIS terribly.. smlm tgk DQ,smpai trbyg2 yg tu KUIS.. huhu.. teruk kn..
igt nk ikut kak Yu balik sbb kak Yu ambk MUET,die balik awl.. tp byk lg yg prlu dislsaikn kt sini.. hmm.. mcm2 prkr.. i just want to lead a simple and peaceful life.. but it's so hard.. ni lh namenye dugaan kn.. klau tkde dugaan pun,sunyi jgk hidup.. kdg2 bile jd mcm2 baru kte sdr kte slame ni lalai dan sbnrnye Allah tu sntiase ade dgn kte.. ne? ^_^

for all who know me,all the best for ur journey of life... it may get tougher in front, but it's part and parcel of life.. it's for ur own gd frm Allah,specially for u.. keep that in mind all right.. and that's that for all.. have a gd day! ^_^

-Syirulhuda-

feeling terrible

2009-04-06T00:54:00.002+08:00

i'm feeling terrible these few days but i don't know why.. it's hard to tell.. maybe it's due to hormone changes.. haha.. going to M'sia tomorrow and i'm really tired.. actually, i can easily become tired but only these few days.. i wonder why i'm like this.. so 'it' takes advantage and keep harassing me until i found no way ut except to ask for help again and again..

as a servant, i feel embarrassed to seek help from Allah continuosly but still committing sins whether in awareness or not.. but i'm very confident that Allah always there.. so as servants, we should aware of this that Allah always bless us no matter who we are.. so we must be thankful and try not to commit any wrong actions..

went to kak Syida's wedding and she was very beautiful.. suddenly feel like i want to get marry quickly.. huhu.. wel... it's a girl's dream anyway.. it's normal,, right? hihi..
selamat pengantin baru to kak Syida.. and all the best to me..^_^ and to all..

so gtg now.. need to wake up early tomorrow.. =o i'm sleepy.. nite nite..

-Syirulhuda-

pls go away!!

2009-04-04T21:39:00.002+08:00

pls for gdness sake... just go away... pls..! don't disturb me anymore..
i've had enough.. it's very tiring,and it's taking my energy away every secs.. it's hard for me to breathe properly,think or even feel the way i should.

after this, what will happen then? will things go back to normal? but no.. i don't want. jika dia ingin menyayangiku,dia mstilh menyayangiNYA trlbh dahulu... everything has changed..yes, it has... although i don't want it to be this way.. but it's the only way for me to prevent things from happening again.. bad things.. i can't let them happen again..

pls Ya Allah..-_- i'm pleading.. my heart doensn't want to change but i'm losing it from me too.. pls give me a chance for me to meet him and seek the truth.. i plead ya Rabb.. help this weak slave of yours.. i plead.. pls.. i'm losing me energy but i insist on fighting.. so pls...

he has to do it all over again

2009-04-02T14:44:00.004+08:00

kesian kat kak Yu... i woke up and realised she was down with fever.. panas giler bdn die.. tp dh ok skrg.. jgn2 sbb die tension tgk Syirul tk ok2 pkai contact lens.. hihi.. tkde lh.. memain jek.. ^_^

td bincang2 ngn mk psl 'sakit' syirul ni.. and my suggestion to go to kulai for treatment.. rupe2nye mk dh ckp dgn bpk and he agrees to it Alhamdulillah.. cume skrg ni kene cari mase yg sesuai aje utk trskn.. mk kate, org yg mengubatkn ni mcm nk cari jodoh.. kene serasi dan sesuai,skali je prgi, insyaAllah dh ok.. tp klau tk sesuai,tk serasi, prgi byk kali pun tk tentu kte akn pulih.. Syirul hrp sgt kali ni Syirul serasi dgn org ni dan skali ni je.. becos i'm already too tired and i have to fight by myself after this.. syirul mntk.. skali ni je.. lps tu syirul nk hidup dlm keadaan tenang. pape pun, syirul tetap akn lwn dan tk akn skadar hrpkn org utk bantu je. doa2lh.. ameen.. mntk2 yg ni serasi.

and another one.. renungkn lh ye kate2 ni..
"jika dia ingin menyayangiku,dia mstilh menyayangiNYA trlbh dahulu"
rmai yg slh anggp dgn kate2 ni.. kte kene lh alami,baru kdg2 kte blh fhm mksud yg trsirat dan ape yg trsurat.. syirul tk tau mknenye pd syirul btl atau tk.. tp insyaAllah tk trsilap.. fhm2 lh ye.. huhu..

k2.. tuan puteri si bujur sirih nk gune lappynye.. syirul nk mkn lh.. lpr plk.. kikik.. so c ya then! oh aah! nk share lg 1 brita happy.. adk syirul dpt interview kt DQ!! Alhamdulillah.. insyaAllah die dpt masul DQ.. interview nyw nxt Tuesday.. doakn lh die dpt masuk ye.. smoga jln yg die pilih,tepat utk die.. Ameen..

k gtg now..c ya! ^_^

-Syirulhuda-

it was so hard

2009-04-01T15:24:00.002+08:00

aduih... mcm ade bende hidup dlm mate Syirul ni.. aduh aduh aduh... *blink blink
first time pkai contact lens... mcm nk pengsan bile nk masukkn... ni pun kak Yu yg masukkn... die kate,pelan2 nnt bljr sndiri...

mata ni asik nk trkelip je.. last2,kak Yu tgk,die yg give up,die yg masukkn.. aduh.. mcm nk garuk2 je mata ni... klakar giler... syirul ni dh lh jenis penggeli.. hbs nk ktw tk hbs2... kwn syirul nk pkaikn celak je syirul dh ktw.. tu baru kt luar mata.. ni yg kt dlm mata ni asik ktw je... kak Yu yg frust... hbs kak Yu instruct mcm strict sgt3... tk leh thn,terus ktw syirul trkluar... klakar sey.. tp mcm pelik dpt nmpk dunia yg luas ni dgn begitu trg skali.. Alhamdulillah..

ni nk kene train byk kali ni.. nnt dh balik KUIS,tkkn tiap pg nk prgi kt bilik kak Yu ketuk suruh die pkaikn contact lens kn.. jd kene lh suffer skt thn sakit mata utk train diri sndiri pkai contact lens.. *blink blink hihi..

k that's all for now.. mntk2 lame trbiase pkai contact lens,blh pkai sndiri jgk at last.. ^_^
*blink blink blink

heart-breaking

2009-03-29T21:44:00.005+08:00

as usual, after solat, suplication is a must for all and the same goes to me...
tp org sakit kn... fkrnye mntk tlg utk sembuh je...

hmm... mcm mane lh kesudahan hidup Syirul ni... hati ni pedih sgt... ade org tu kate,Syirul bruntung sbb Allah nmpk Syirul. sbb tu Syirul diuji. alhamdulillah kalau btl mcm tu. know something? satu2nye prkr baik psl ni adlh Syirul dkt sgt dgn Allah... ade hikmahnye kn... sume ade hikmah nye... tp... bile sakit,msti cari penawarnye jgk...btl tk...

however,bile igt balik,byk prkr dh jd kt Syirul.. and they hurt me...a lot. bkn mudah nk handle.. bile hati kte mule resah..lps tu kte hilng kwln..hilng diri kte dlm diri sndiri.. hati,akal,sume tk dpt dikawal.. dan kte jd org lain.. ape yg kte ade dan tu adlh diri kte,cume sepasang mate yg nmpk segale2nye yg brlaku tp kte tk blh buat ape2 utk hntikn sume kesakitan dan kepedihan yg buat fizikal kte jgk sakit..

tk mudah... btl tk mudah.. ade yg akn kate kte kene jumpe pakar sakit jiwa.. counselor.. but they don't know that i'm free frm depression and stress.. tny lh kwn2 Syirul,mk bpk Syirul.. and even myself.. syirul tk prnh tau mkne stress yg sbnr. bile Syirul rase mcm trtekan skt, Syirul terus luahkn.. bkn kt sape2,tp slalunye,Syirul akn lakarkn ats krtas.. btl Syirul byk trmenung. byk khayal.. tp Syirul tau Syirul tk prnh stress.. jd bile org kate die stress sgt ni.. byk sgt krj.. die trtekan agknye.. i really can't accept that actually.. but i respect their opinions so i didn't say anything..

die dtg bile die nk,dan die prgi bile die suke... Syirul cume nk ketenangn.. nk tenang bile solat tanpe gangguan dlm hati.. nk cari ilmu dgn tenang tanpe tibe2 die dtg and distract me.. syirul cume nk buat sume yg Syirul patut buat dgn tenang.. syirul kehilangn sbb ni.. syirul kesakitn sbb ni.. sakit sgt.. bile tibe2 sume jd tk tentu arah.. procesnye menyakitkn..

so pls Allah... help this weak slave of urs... i plead... pls... -_-

-Syirulhuda-

so that is that

2009-03-28T20:03:00.003+08:00

listening to her just now makes me wonder...
am i destined to work hard to get what i want and what i need?
maybe the answer is yes...
all this while,it's not that easy to get hold of what i want and what i need...
maybe that's why i always appreciate what i have...but there're also some people that said to me
that i do not know how to appreciate peple that i love.... hihi... well... if i's true,then i'm really sorry...

balik pd crite... dgr ape yg die ckp buat Syirul sdr sesuatu... Syirul mungkin tk dpt yg TERBAIK... dan Syirul sndiri mungkin tk layak utk dpt yg TERBAIK... tp Syirul slalu dpt yg SEBAIKNYE dan SELAYAKNYE yg Syirul patut dpt...

jd... bukak mate Syirul jgk.. kte mmg patut brsyukur dgn ape yg kte ade... slalunye Allah bg kte ape yg kte prlukn...dan tk sume yg kte nk tu adlh sesuatu yg kte prlukn... jd... brsyukur dan dptkn ape yg kte prlukn je... kalau kte dpt ape yg kte nk tu... dh kire bonus dr Allah utk kte... penyayang nye kn Tuhan kte...

so now... Syirul nk dptkn dulu ape yg Syirul prlukn... lps tu,kalau ade rezki lbh, blh lh dptkn lain2 yg tk brape Syirul prlukn.. prlu... tp not the priority which i should get a.s.a.p. jd tgk lh kalau ade rezki lbh kn...

dan ade jgk die yg Syirul prlukn... tp tk dpt skrg ni... mungkin blm mase lg... hihi... so... kalau ade rezki jgk,Syirul akn dpt yg Syirul prlukn tu... Ameen...
doakn tau... ^_^

so that is that... gtg now... c ya! ^_^

-Syirulhuda-

i'm recognised?

2009-03-27T12:27:00.003+08:00

i really can;t help but wonder when will it end...
my life,my future,my feelings... sume ni kene mengene dgn ape yg Syirul hadapi...
i want to go there... and i know i need to... kt mane2 tmpt yg Syirul fkr nk prgi,Syirul msti trfkrkn that particular place yg buat Syirul yakin... tu lh yg blh bantu Syirul utk sembuh...

hmm... tp nk yakinkn yg lain jd Syirul blh ke sane,agk susah skt. sbb Syirul sndiri tk knl org tu,tk tau die mcm mane,tk tau btl atau tk ape yg Abu ckp... so it's hard to convince people...
however, i'm kind of confident that that is the place. i'm sure of it..

and so... i'm missing KUIS badly.. slalu trbyg2 katil kt asrama tu...my desk tmpt slalu main lappy kak Su... bljr kt situ... stay up late at nite lg2 bile nk xm... agknye sbb rindu ni smpai sakit2 skrg ni...

i'm coughing and it's unbearable... becos it's hard for me to breathe... mcm2 skrg ni....
ujian btl... tp Alhamdulillah...
mcm yg seseorg tu kate,ni sume satu nikmat. walau sakit mcm mane pun,ni sume tetap satu nikmat. kdg2,bile kte brjy,kte fkr kte lh yg ushe... dan bile kte klh,kte fkr,sume ni bala...
tp sbnrnye,pape pun,tu tetap satu nikmat dari Allah utk hamba2NYA...

for that person,thanks for the advice... it really changes my perspective of success.. thank you... ^_^

i think i'll stop for now...
gtg... babye...

will it do?

2009-03-26T17:28:00.003+08:00

Alhamdulillah...
thanks to Allah i've finished editing thisa blog of mine..
and thanks to the one who made this blogskin,i love it... ^_^

ok... lps ni nmpknye saye kene delete multiptly...
cos i just can't handle both at a time...
sape2 yg dh prnh tgk multiply saye... fhm lh saye suke ape,tulis ape,dan share ape...

however,i really hope i can do better for my blog..
sbb ni edit skt2 je.. edit mane yg patut je...

pape pun,hrp mane2 entry saye yg ade manfaat,dpt dishare...
dan yg mane tkde faedahnye... jgn diambk ape yg tk patut plk ye...

so this is it...
just share ur views at my tagboard aite... ^_^
give me ur guidance...

so... be pleased...

oh wow...

2009-03-20T21:23:00.001+08:00

oh wow... it's like a dream come true... hihi...
it's been a long time since i thought of making a blog and now i've realised it...
thnks to u,Allah... ^_^

hope frm now,everything will go on smoothly... blogskin... cbox... i;m not very gd... but i'll try to turn this blog of mine into a wow again for me... huhu...

that's all for now then...gtg now... c ya!

-Syirulhuda-

_____It's Snowing in My Dreams_____