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feelings~
Thursday 20 August 2009 | 5:40 pm | 0 star
so many things have happened... so many things i've observed... so many things i've think about... so many things i've concluded... but all of these, are negative to me... and the more i do,the more i get hurt... people always say to me... "THINK POSITIVE! can't you just put away that negative thinking of yours?" nope... i can't... not in a thousand times... NEVER... do you know why? i'll tell you... i'm preparing for the worst to come.. i don't want to put hopes onto people.. i don't want my pain to get worse.. i'm training myself to accept everything that is given to me without sighs.. i'm training myself to get used to live by my own when my other part is gone.. now do you understand? if i think positive, then something bad happens... won't i get hurt badly? i don't want that to happen... i need to protect myself... that's what i know... maybe some people might say that my way of thinking is wrong... but honestly, don't worry... i know what i'm doing... because IF I THINK NEGATIVE,AND SOMETHING GOOD HAPPENS,I'LL APPRECIATE IT ALL MY LIFE.. i'll protect what i get... that's how i think... i don't know what to think anymore... i don't know what to feel... what i'm seeing with my eyes, what i'm listening with my ears, and what i'm saying with my mouth,is hurting myself... what i know is i'm always crying bitterly without me realizing it... what i'm supposed to do... i can't look anymore... it's too confusing... and i have to be patient everytime i look..i have to put on a big smile and laugh as if i'm alright... it's tiring living like this... i don't want to go back to Spore... cause once i'm there,i don't want to come back here anymore... EVER. i have reasons to drop out form this college... i'm sick... always sick... and i have to be near my parents... that's one of the reasons... i don't want to see it... i don't want to hear it... i don't want to talk about it... but here i am... still pondering over it again and again and again... Smoga Ramadhan kali ni membawa keberkatan kpd semua dan jgk diriku... Ameen... ya Rabbal 'Alameen... -_- Labels: i just want everything to be normal for me... |