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~double misery~
Saturday 1 May 2010 | 6:42 am | 0 star
yesterday... Alhamdulillah... i managed to see my result but it was a disappointment after all.. the pointer i looked at earlier turned out to be my CGPA which they processed from my results of first semester to the 4th semester and the half... what i mean by the half is... there are 2 subjects of my previous semester which have not been put in, in my portal.. so i still do not know what my result is.. now... the fear has come again... the fear of failing the 2 subjects as they were the most difficult ones... oh my... what am i to do except for feeling tawakkal as i know that i've already did my best for those papers... looking at this matter, i was kind of devastated and felt really down as i AM very worried... so i decided to tell him that i've decided to quit from being active in Lajnah in order to stabilize my studies... okay fine... my way of telling him was kind of forcing. but he gave me an example: if i was talking to another person and not him.. that particular person will definitely say... "u must be professional... others can manage their time between studies and other works... so you can do that too..." and he said,that that will be said by other person,not him. well mister... that piece of "advice" will be said by someone like YOU! not someone like ME! do you understand? haisy... i'm so scared now.. yes i know you are the leader but HELLO! do i not have the right to ask for my rights?? okay well... i'll just do as you say... so just pray that my result will turn out better than i expect so that i will stay in Lajnah okay?? this is a double misery to me... i was expecting him to say in the right way... no that i expected him to say what i want to hear but EXSQUEEZE ME.... can you please be more err... generous? is that the word? WHAT EVER! yes he did say that work and personal life is different... at work... he is not abg but my leader... yes i know! and i know that i have to respect you! this is the very first time that i ask to set myself free in order to save my studies!! how can u not understand that?? OMG! Astaghfirullah... however, i was very tired of this kind of fights as he will never understand... so i just agree to what he said and will just pray that may my results will turn out good... Amiin... you know,dear... this is why i never want to talk to you about my frustrations... because you will get angry and will disagree with me... you ask me to be more mature in thinking right? but i never mention that you too need to be more mature in what you do... because... i need someone who can protect me from sadness... who will listen to me instead of telling me what to do... but somehow i think this is kind of impossible and i'm demanding too much from you so i'm sorry... actually... i wrote this post because i am very sure that he will not read this.. haha... he never read my blog... but he always pay attention to someone else's lives... maybe he think that he has enough knowledge about moi... *tepuk dahi* pls,abg... don't make me think twice... because you know... i really HATE you. and the reality is you know what is in my heart too so i'm begging don't make me angry and finally do something which is out of my control. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. Labels: you are a really MEANIE.. |