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Will never understand~
Thursday 21 June 2012 | 5:20 pm | 0 star
The thought of it spoils my mood, my emotions, even my happiness..The thought of it makes me shiver, makes me blank, that I can't think of anything positive.. The thought of it makes me want to run, to go far away, and never look back, start a new life.. What thought? What kind of thought that makes me feel this way? That makes me feel that my life and happiness have been ripped away from me? Promise me you won't laugh. Because it's a thought of my past. The past that brings pain when i recall it. The past that brings bitter memories I want to erase badly from my mind. The past that brings nothing but fear and insecurity of my future. I have to trust. I have to believe. I have to and I need to. Come to think of it, I'm so grateful to Allah that he gives me only girlfriends and very few guyfriends. Very few that it's not even near to the word 'close' for friends. Very thankful as it helps me a lot in taking care of my heart, my mind, my dream. I stumbled upon a post/status in FB. A status that I should be happy for actually, but brought me fear instead. What if it happens again? What if he turns his back to me again? What if I can only watch and get hurt like in the past? and those what ifs come to my mind. This really tire me out. Suck out all my energy and leave me worn out, thinking and getting a bad headache and heartache in the end. Will he do the same mistakes again if that person appears in our life once more? Will I get hurt again? Will he purposely act like he doesn't care but actually does? I want him to be sincere in what he feels, in what he wants to be.. Because that kind of acting will only hurt me more. And so, I don't want to see anything, I don't want to hear anything, I don't want to say anything, and I don't want to get hurt for anything. I'm trying my best to avoid and prevent myself from doing the same mistakes. So please, leave me alone. I don't want to hurt my pride as a woman, as a human being, and as a muslim. It's not that I hate being friends with these people. It's just that I don't want to be the only person who get hurt in the end and blame others' for what I feel. I don't want to make that mistakes anymore.. So please... leave. -Syirulhuda- |